The ‘Dating Game’ vs. COVENANT.

As strange as it may sound, dating is part of the REASON why our DIVORCE rate is so high … how does dating help us practice for divorce?

Because we make a COMMITMENT or promises that are a form of COVENANT to another person … and then we BREAK them.

We have not learned how to WORK through problems and issues. Instead, we have learned to MOVE ON when there are problems. Our souls continue to seek after the EXCITEMENT of a new relationship and we may have problems with finding SATISFACTION in the attention of just ONE person.

Dating and sexual DESIRES.
Sexual desires can be satisfied WITHOUT intercourse, such as heavy-petting. This will always lead to WRONG sexual imprinting. Many teenagers use drugs and alcohol, which leads to a break down in self-control and creates an inability to say, “NO to sexual behaviour. Their sexuality is then imprinted with the feelings of alcohol and/or drugs. The consequence will be that when married, their sexuality will need to go with alcohol and/or drugs, in order to be satisfied.

Dating and STEALING.
Dating is DANGEROUS because it leads to robbery. GOD HATES stealing. If we take another person’s virginity, we have just ROBBED their future husband or wife. If we take a part of another person’s HEART and BREAK it, we have just ROBBED their future husband or wife. If we DAMAGE a person’s ability to TRUST, we have just ROBBED their future husband or wife and them. It can also ROB the purity and the SPECIALNESS of your wedding day and wedding night. Until we are ready to make a life time, being in love is just a LIE.

Just as GOD’s love for us has caused Him to make an EVERLASTING COVENANT with us, TRUE LOVE must be MATURE enough to enter into COVENANT.

BUT how can I have FUN if I dont DATE?
You can have fun by doing things in the SAFETY of a group.

BUT how will I ever find the RIGHT person if I don’t DATE?
You don’t have to. You can leave that job up to your earthly father … and ABBA FATHER. He will SPEAK to your heart and let you know, “This is the one I have CHOSEN for you. By getting the witness of your PARENTS, pastors, and other spiritual LEADERS, you protect yourself from making a MISTAKE that will affect the REST of your life.

There are a lot of WRONG reasons to get MARRIED … the ONLY right reason is because GOD has said, “This is the time and this is the one.

Wow”, you may say, but most of your questions will answered in the next few posts.🙂

Credits – Amanda Buys

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DATING, COURTSHIP, SEXUALITY, AND GOD’S PLAN FOR MARRIAGE 3

So, how am I supposed to find out about sex?
GOD made our sexuality a very IMPORTANT part of us — it is only natural for young people to want to know about sex as they get older. Many times it is CURIOSITY that causes them to EXPOSE themselves to impure sexual things like playboy (pornographic) magazines, pornographic movies, or experimenting with another person. These kinds of EXPOSURES give CONFUSING and perverted (wrong) messages about SEX.

Some people grow up with messages like:
🌺Sex is DIRTY,
🌺You shouldn’t TALK about sex,
🌺Sex is only to be talked about with grown-ups.

Sometimes the messages you get from church and home about sex say, “JUST DON’T DO IT”. They say it’s wrong BUT they don’t always tell you WHY. 

GOD tells us that things are WRONG because He knows they will HURT US.
GOD knows that sex OUTSIDE of marriage DAMAGES our ability to be FAITHFUL in our COVENANT relationship.

It is not WRONG to want to understand your sexuality and to be curious about sexual things. It only becomes DESTRUCTIVE when you satisfy your curiosity in ways that cause your sexuality to be exposed to IMPURE sexual imprinting.

A word on MASTURBATION.
DEFINITION — When you stimulate yourself physically to the point of orgasm.

🥀It can become addicting.
🥀It brings a physical release.
🥀It releases feel-good chemicals in the brain.
🥀You can find your desire to do it increasing.
🥀After a while, whenever you feel upset or tense, you will find a desire to masturbate.

Sexual release stimulates the brain PLEASURE center, which is the same place that gets stimulated when you use cocaine and heroine. That is why there are SEX addicts.

Did you know, the genital control center and the bonding control center are ADJACENT in the brain, right NEXT DOOR to each other.  The PURPOSE of our sexuality is to SYNCHRONIZE energy states, emotions … with another person who is glad to be with me.

Masturbation is when you synchronize energy with NOBODY. This leaves the person to bond with themselves, their fantasy, or other non-relational entities … resulting in the person being further isolatedand compulsive.

GOD created us … these control centers being side-by-side is NOT by accident. GOD intends for sex to be a BONDING connection between husband and wife. Orgasm BONDS you with whomever or whatever you were with.

There is NO such thing as “CASUAL” sex. Sex is superGLUE, it sticks you TOGETHER. One flesh/spirit/soul is glued to another.
The enemy has TWISTED GOD’s Design — satan has perverted the BEAUTY of what GOD intended by introducing other people, sex toys, fantasies, and so forth, into this intimate experience. That is how we then get bonded to whoever/whatever we are looking at the point of orgasm.

Masturbation therefore feeds our FEAR of intimacy in relationship to the point of total ISOLATION. Some men are SINGLE because, through porn and masturbation, they have learned that they can have a FALSE intimacy without RISKING relationship. Many married men live isolated lives BECAUSE, through their ADDICTION to masturbation, they are cut off from the one they have PROMISED to love, honour and cherish.
Masturbation feeds our ISOLATION.

Most teenagers think that they can masturbate and when they get married they will just STOP. That is a LIE. Many adults still struggle with masturbation in their marriage. It is how they were sexually imprinted and until that imprinting is CLEANSED, that desire is there.

Is masturbation SIN?
It’s easy to tell …
🍂do you feel ASHAMED?
🍂Is it something you would want your parents or people atyour church/school to know?

Shame is always the result of sin, and masturbation is accompanied by much SHAME. Whenever we are ashamed of something, we will HIDE it and do it in secret. That’s a pretty GOOD indicator that masturbation is SIN

Credits – Amanda Buys

DATING, COURTSHIP, SEXUALITY, AND GOD’S PLAN FOR MARRIAGE 2

What is the marriage COVENANT?
The PROMISES or agreement made by a MAN and a WOMAN to do or keep from doing a specified thing. In marriage, the covenant is to be “ONE flesh”, and have no other sexual relationships, physically or mentally, with anyone else. If they do, it is considered ADULTERY.
WHY do we need to understand our SEXUALITY?
In order to PROTECT your sexuality, you must UNDERSTAND it. When we don’t know thePURPOSE for something, we can misuse and abuse it.

A good example of this is electricity. Electricity is a wonderful thing. It is also very POWERFUL. When used properly, electricity does so much GOOD. However, when we don’t understand how it works, or the dangers of doing certain things —electricity can cause much damage.

It is the same for our sexuality. We have to UNDERSTAND that we were created spirit, soul, and body— and SEX is not just a PHYSICAL thing. So if we ABUSE our sexuality, it AFFECTS us spiritually, emotionally, mentally, AND physically.

ANYTIME we use our sexuality OUTSIDE of a COVENANT marriage relationship, we have abused it.

We were created for COVENANT, and our sexuality was designed to be an exclusive part of that one COVENANT marriage.

GOD did not make it hard to be sexually faithful … SIN has made it HARD!
Sexual PROTECTION.
We have a RESPONSIBILITY to protect our sexuality from WRONG messages. It is IMPORTANT to GUARD your ear and eye GATE regarding:
– The MUSIC you listen to.
– MOVIES/TV you watch.
– CONVERSATIONS you hear.

Song of Songs 3:5 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not AROUSE or AWAKEN love until it so desires.
Our SEXUALITY is SO PRECIOUS — designed to only be AWAKENED in MARRIAGE and with that ONE person. AWAKENING sexuality before that TIME, causes GREAT DAMAGE.

Even “LITTLE THINGS” like listening to music or watching things that are very SEXUAL in nature, can begin to AWAKEN desires in children/young people that they are not ready for. Because lust is avery strong (PLEASURABLE) desire, it can lead to making BAD choices. And there are SERIOUS consequences to making poor choices, such as teenage pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and SO FORTH.
And MOST IMPORTANTLY, un-Godly sexuality will damage your ability to BOND and LOVE that ONE person, which everyone is HARD-WIRED to desire.

If we’re all HONEST, we all want an exclusive COVENANT relationship.

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 43 – Ministering to sexual imprinting

In earlier posts, we looked at the effects of sexual imprinting. Now I would like to talk about ministering to that area.

While it’s not hard, only the power of God can do it. We can’t fix ourselves and we can’t fix each other. All we can do is tell God, “It’s broken.” And ask Him to fix it. That’s pretty simple.

🌲First, we need to build faith. We began that in our very first post in the series. It takes faith to access the power ofGod. He will do all things according to our faith.

We need to pray in an atmosphere of faith. You may want to worship the Lord before you pray or declare scriptures. Set an atmosphere of faith and the presence of God. Always thank the Lord for what He has done.

🌲Make sure you have forgiven EVERYONE involved. Unforgiveness can block our healingand stop us from receiving from the Lord. It doesn’t hurt to submit to one last examination by the Holy Spirit.

There is a sample prayer for sexual imprinting in the Assignment Section of this post. Don’t complicate what is simple.

The exact words are not as important as the faith and power of God to cleanse, purify, restore and make new. “Ask and ye shall receive.”

All we are doing is accessing in our sexuality what was already made ours through salvation. We are to be a new creation; all things are new; we have a right to total redemption and restoration.

Again, why would a loving God, heal other areas but leave something so essential undone? The answer is He wouldn’t.

Because of a puritan religious spirit that entered the church, we have not been able to talk to God about sexual issues, so He has been unable to answer. It is time to start talking to Him.

We need personal, family and corporate healing in this area and Jesus is our only answer.

We have seen remarkable things happen after such prayers; people who had battled homosexual desires set free, passion in marriage restored, women who have never had an orgasm have had orgasms, people have felt their virginity and sexual innocence restored, desire for masturbation or pornography has left.

Now, please understand, people really have to be sick of their sin and desire to be made free. Also, they must have deliverance.

If there are demons still there, they will create ungodly desires. If the sexual issue has turned into addiction, the issues of addiction must also be dealt with for total freedom. However, it can never hurt to pray over a person’s sexual imprinting.

I prophecy that as you are prayed for (or you are praying), the power of God will touch you and transform you. You will be cleansed and made whole. You will be able to express your sexuality with freedom. It will be a new day, old things will have passed away. You will receive revelation that your sexuality was a gift from God, a blessing, something sacred by which you can express covenant.

I decree God’s healing, redemption and restoration to your sexuality in the Name of Jesus Christ.

Assignments:

Inner Healing
After you walked out the process shared in this post related to healing, write down three major areas the Lord touched in this format:
1. The Memory
2. The Complaint (how you were damaged and how you felt)
3. How Jesus Revealed Himself

Sexual Imprinting
🎍Find someone that you know has faith in the power of God. It will probably be the same person you have been working with already.

🎍Make sure they have read the information on sexual imprinting. They need to know what they are praying for.

🎍Here is a sample prayer. It’s okay if they pray prophetically anything else the Lord shows them. Double check and make sure you have forgiven everyone who has negatively affected you in any way sexually.

Lord, I bring (Ann’s) sexuality before Your throne. I thank You that You are wiping the slate clean. Send Your fire to purify all of her desires.

I speak healing and cleansing to her mind, her memories, her emotions, her body and her spirit. I thank You Lord that You make all things new.

I now declare that Ann’s sexuality is brand new. I declare that the next time she and her husband come together, covenant will be written on her sexuality.

I speak restoration to her passion and freedom to express herself sexually. We thank You for a new beginning, Lord.

🎍If they are young and unmarried, declare that the Lord has restored their spiritual virginity.

🎍Declare that they would feel pure and undefiled on their wedding day.
Restoration is possible but it all begins with you being tired of your current. No one can force the healing on you.

Credits- Amanda Buys

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 26 – Sexually deviant behaviour cont’d

PROSTITUTION

As we look at these sexual deviant behaviours, the most important thing is to give us an understanding of how sexual imprinting plays a part in these behaviours. Let’s discuss prostitution.

Prostitution is the selling of yourself sexually to another person. I want to take a moment here and digress.

I have found that the spirit of harlotry is actually at the root of many marriages. I have said that there are more married prostitutes than those walking the streets.

These are the women who have sold themselves in to a marriage for what they could get out of it. Maybe it was security, money, position or possessions. Whatever it was, they sold themselves sexually for it. They just tried to legitimize it through marriage.

Here are some issues you find when harlotry is at the foundation of a marriage.

⏭First of all, the wife is never satisfied. No matter how much money, how much security, how much clothes, jewelry, etc.; it is never enough.
After all, how much do you need to sell yourself for? What are you worth? The man will always feel used and unappreciated. They tend to keep giving to hold the marriage together but become even more and more resentful.

⏭Sometimes they will end up having an affair with someone they feel just loves them for themselves and not what they can give them. Again this can be healed and restored once it is recognized.

Many times these things happen before we are Christians. Now we are Christians and our marriage is in a mess. God wants to put it on a right foundation and pull the harlotry out from it. It must be repented of.

The woman must become honest with herself, her husband and the Lord and repent for selling herself or trading herself in the marriage. The man must repent for agreeing to the terms.

Usually deep down inside, he already knows he bought her. Now he must admit it to himself, to her and to the Lord. I have seen wonderful things happen in marriages when God put this area on a right foundation.

Areas of imprinting that can take place which would lead to normal prostitution can occur when a child or young adult discovers that they can get gifts, money or special treatment because of allowing sexual behaviour. This can come from older adults or even from people they may date.

🔻I can get my boyfriend to spend money on me if I allow him to touch me in certain places.
🔻My uncle will buy me anything just because I let him kiss me.
🔻My father brings me gifts after he has had sex with me.

As they grow up, under the right circumstances, these areas of sexual imprinting can blossom into full blown prostitution.

Prostitution is also very highly connected to alcohol and drug addiction which requires money.

Because of the addictions, they do not make good employees. They are unable to keep a job and make money. In order to satisfy their addiction, they resort to prostitution.

Most of the time, there is already a low self-esteem and some experiences of sexual abuse, rape, or other imprinting that has taken place.

Credits – Amanda Buys

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 24 – Sexually deviant behaviour cont’d

PORNOGRAPHY

Pornography also creates sexual imprinting. It creates desires for certain body types, for perverted sexual practices and usually leads to fantasy and masturbation.

So let’s talk about pornography.

What is it? Pornography is anything that you can visually see either in magazines, books, movies, videos, on the internet, or computer games that depict other people in a sexual nature.

It can be simply showing nakedness or other people involved in sexual acts. It can also be what you hear through things like music, movies or videos.

Pornography allows you to be sexually stimulated without the responsibilities or risks of relationship.

A center-fold in a magazine or newspaper cannot reject you. Watching a video scene does not take any effort on your part. Relationship and intimacy takes work, sacrifice, commitment andcommunication. All of these can be avoided through the use of pornography. Usually at the root of pornography issues, you will also find issues with intimacy and a fear of rejection.

Most pornography is done with models and actors. The people have been air brushed or made up. Special lighting is used. Because they are hired, they can select only the most beautiful or the most handsome.

Pornography can create dissatisfaction with the reality of life. Most bodies are not that perfect. No one looks that good all the time. People who have been imprinted sexually with pornography are usually never happy and satisfied in a normal covenant sexual relationship unless they are healed.

Also, pornography many times depicts perverted sexual acts. It creates sexual imprinting and desires that makes our marriage partner uncomfortable. Many times people go outside of the marriage relationship to have their sexual needs met, because they have perverted needs from pornographic imprinting in their lives.

Right now internet pornography is rampant. The reason is there is less of a fear of being caught. If you have to buy a magazine or go to a strip bar, there is a risk of being seen. In the privacy of my home office, I minimize the risk of being discovered.

Most internet pornography is owned and operated by the Mafia.
The Mafia is controlled by major spirits of lawlessness, greed, control, addictions, and perversion. You are bowing down to those spirits when you participate with Internet pornography.

If you are having problems with internet pornography, it is important to get protection programs on your computer at work and at home that can stop access to pornography sites.

Make sure someone else installs it and knows the password. Don’t just put it on and have the ability to bypass it.

It is a lie to say I can look at pornography now but when I get married I will stop. It will still affect you.

You will either keep looking at it and hide it because of your shame or you will be frustrated and resentful that your covenant relationship is not meeting those wrong desires that are in you. Either way it will produce bad fruit in your relationship.

In dealing with sexual sins, I always pray for the impartation of the fear of the Lord.

Men must have the revelation that whether it is a picture, a video or a live woman, they are violating one of God’s daughters.

Now the woman may not have the revelation that she is a daughter of the King but that makes her no less of one in the Lord’s eyes. We serve a jealous God. How would you as a father want your daughter to be treated? How much more would the Lord want you to respect all women.

I declare right now that the fear of the Lord would rest upon you. 

Regardless of the woman’s own exploitation of herself, godly men have a responsibility to cover and protect these women by not using them for their own sexual needs.

Many times we repent because we have hurt our spouse,  sinned  before God, but it also needs to come because of the people we have exploited.

They may have only been a center-fold in a magazine to you at the time, but they have to become a person in order for you stop acting out.

I can just see Jesus taking a cloth and covering that young woman. May God have mercy on you for doing that exact opposite.

If you have been imprinted by masturbation or pornography or any of the other topics discussed in any of these posts,  make sure you walk through the ministry processes coming up later in this series.

Credits – Amanda Buys

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 23 – Sexually deviant behaviour cont’d

MASTURBATION
First of all what is it?
It’s when you stimulate yourself physically to the point of orgasm.

Is it sin? Many people argue whether masturbation is sin or not because it is not specifically mentioned in the Bible.

It’s easy to tell.
✔️Do you feel ashamed?
✔️Is it something you would be comfortable sharing in front of your church?
✔️Do you really want your co workers to know?
✔️If it’s okay, then why do you go to such great lengths to cover it up?

Because deep down, you are ashamed, no matter how hard you try to tell yourself that it is okay. Shame is always the result of sin and masturbation is accompanied by shame.

Whenever we are ashamed of something, we will hide it and do it in secret. That’s a pretty good indicator that masturbation is sin. Even in marriage, most people hide it from their husband or wife because they know it is wrong.

There are several reasons why you should avoid masturbating. One of the reasons is that it can become addicting. Because it brings a physical release and even releases chemicals in the brain, you can find your desire to do it increasing. After a while, whenever you feel upset or tense, you will find a desire to masturbate. We will talk more about sexual addiction in the subsequent posts.

Most teenagers think that they can masturbate and when they get married they will just stop. That is a lie. Many adults still struggle with masturbation in their marriage. It is how they were sexually imprinted and until that imprinting is cleansed that desire is there.

If it becomes an addiction as a teenager, whenever circumstances are tense or upsetting, you will have a desire to masturbate even if you are having regular sexual intercourse with your husband or wife.

How does masturbation hurt marriage?
☑️It causes your partner to feel like they are not enough. It makes them feel that something is wrong with them and creates feelings of rejection.
☑️Also, the Word of God tells us not to withhold our bodies from each other unless agreed upon for a time of fasting. Masturbation allows us to get mad and stay mad at each other because we can meet our sexual needs on our own.
When masturbation is not an option, then we have to forgive each other and make up because we need each other. Masturbation says, “I really don’t need you.”

I [Amanda Buys] have ministered to people who discovered their spouses masturbating on their honeymoon. They were devastated.

Can you imagine how that would feel? Can you imagine how the marriage started off? Please do not lie to yourself and say that your masturbation does not affect your spouse.

That simply is not true. You are perverting sexual energy. It is also a reflection of other issues in your life – self-centeredness, narcissism, immaturity, and control issues usually go hand and hand with a masturbation addiction.

Credits – Amanda Buys