DEALING WITH GRIEF 31 – Divorce And Children cont’d

Helping children cope with divorce … work with your ex

Conflict between parents — separated or not — can be very damaging for kids. It’s crucial to avoid putting your children in the middle of your fights, or making them feel like they have to choose between you.

Rules of thumb

Remember that your goal is to avoid lasting stress and pain for your children. The following tips can save them a lot of heartache:

👍🏾Take it somewhere else. Never argue in front of your children, whether it’s in person or over the phone. Ask your ex to talk another time, or drop the conversation altogether.

👍🏾Use tact. Refrain from talking with your children about details of their other parent’s behavior. It’s the oldest rule in the book: if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

👍🏾Be nice. Be polite in your interactions with your ex-spouse. This not only sets a good example for your kids but can also cause your ex to be gracious in response.

👍🏾Look on the bright side. Choose to focus on the strengths of all family members. Encourage children to do the same.

👍🏾Work on it. Make it a priority to develop an amicable relationship with your ex-spouse as soon as possible. Watching you be friendly can reassure children and teach problem-solving skills as well.

The big picture

⭐️If you find yourself, time after time, locked in battle with your ex over the details of parenting, try to step back and remember the bigger purpose at hand.

⭐️Relationship with both parents. What’s best for your kids in the long run? Having a good relationship with both of their parents throughout their lives.

⭐️The long view. If you can keep long-term goals — your children’s physical and mental health, your independence — in mind, you may be able to avoid disagreements about daily details. Think ahead in order to stay calm.

⭐️Everyone’s well-being. The happiness of your children, yourself, and, yes, even your ex, should be the broad brushstrokes in the big picture of your new lives after divorce.

Helping children cope with divorce … know when to seek help.

Some children go through divorce with relatively few problems, while others have a very difficult time. It’s normal for kids to feel a range of difficult emotions, but time, love, and reassurance should help them to heal. If your kids remain overwhelmed, though, you may need to seek professional help.

Credits – Amanda Buys



She found him maddening despite being her son. Littering the house with his clothes and so much more, playing loud music, Mark was getting to her nerves. Though it seemed something one would deal with or push to the side, Stacy just could not.

Having an untidy house got her moody, she could not stand it. In as much as she had tried to brush it off, she had failed.

The environment within the house was tense. Mark was thinking of moving out, but leaving his mother all by herself worried him.

The battle was escalating by the day, tempers were flaring and their patience was wearing thin.

When visiting, Viola noticed that something had to be done before knives were drawn. Looking up a psychiatrist friend, she let him in on what was going on and gave the reins to him to save her friends.

Thankfully, 3 months down the road, the curve was turning around for better.

Looking at what Viola had done and how much she had saved them from, Stacy couldn’t help but give her a standing ovation, she was a friend indeed.

Posted on Daily Post – Ovation, Maddening, Moody



Leaving work to start her summer holiday, Sara had everything planned out. She had made all the necessary bookings and could not wait to enjoy it all. It was all country this year, her first stop at the stone village. She had heard about it so she could not wait to take it all in.

Waking up so early to start her journey, she packed enough supplies to last her a week or two. The weather was great, her excitement was palpable. She was thrilled by the adventure that lay ahead, not even the heavy traffic jam would wane her excitement.

Within 2 hours, she was on the highway into the stone village. Following the directions as precisely as possible, all seemed well.

However, one hour later, Sara had not got to the much coveted sight. Checking the map for what seemed like the hundredth time, she could not see where she’d gone wrong. Nonetheless, she was lost. All that she had planned to do in the day seemed to continually slip out of her hands. Frustration mounted within her.

That was before she met an elderly man on his way from the village. After a little exchange, he said, “those are the directions,” as he gave her a detailed map. She smiled, out of gratitude and for lack of the right words. “Thank you sir,” she finally managed to say.





Looking at the skies, her eyes watered uncontrollably. It had been a rough year for her and her household. From failing to pay her children’s school fees to completion, to her husband getting shot by a stray bullet, then the eviction letter effective in a month’s time.

It was chaos in her world. Her friends had tried to justify the situation as a way of life, but with frustration she had yelled, “Stop saying ‘It’s just the circle of life’…” 

They never understood what it meant to do it all alone for the first time with tragedy at every corner. Life seemed so unbearable for Stacy.

She wondered how they were going to manage. Her job was not paying so much,she struggled to put food on the table and cloth the children.

But on this day, as she looked up to the blue skies, she asked God for a helper. Someone to hold their hand through these tumultuous times. She felt peace within, like she had not felt in a long while. Then she knew that her answer was on the way.

And indeed, by evening, she had got a call from the children’s school informing her that their school needs were no longer a reason to worry. An anonymous source had taken care of that. More answers came in as time went by, indeed, He had answered.



downloadThe tears rolled down her face effortlessly. She wondered time and time again if no one ever heard her cries and wails. All she needed was for someone to help her, someone to rescue her from the hands of her ruthless father. However, no one came, no one bothered, so she thought.

Tracy’s family was one marred with dysfunctional instances. Her mother had left them when she was only 5 years. Life had turned upside down because it was one woman after another in her father’s life. None was concerned about her welfare or that of her little brother in any way. Thereafter, her little brother had passed on due to her father’s negligence.

Life had changed for the worst, her only friend had left her too.u

Then her father had turned on her, like a hungry hyena. He raped her on a weekly basis after his drinking sprees and threatened to kill her if she told a soul.

With no friend to hear her out and the fear for both her esteem and life, she remained silent.

However, after today’s near encounter with death, she was ready to look for help wherever she would find it.

Running as fast as her legs could carry her, she raced to the girls’ home that was a stone throw from her house. Out of breath, she knocked at the door, and thankfully, help came before her tormentor would arouse from his drunken stupor.

At last, she believed, that she would live again.

Photo Credits


Posted for Daily Post – Help


Written for Daily Post

images (4)

“I can not carry through with this pregnancy,” cried Paula.

“Why do you say so?” asked mother.

“The scan shows that its head will not have developed well by delivery time, ” she replied a midst bitter sobs.

“Oh dear, oh dear,” said mother sarcastically, “So who gave you the right to decide who lives and who doesn’t?”

“This is my life mother, will you be there when all goes A-Y ?” Paula asked bitterly.

“Darling, it is not about my presence or absence, but rather that the Lord has entrusted you with this life to nurture it until He calls him or her home,” said mum, in a gentler manner.

images (3)It is not my duty to tell you what you must or mustn’t do with the heart wrenching scan results. However, it is my joy to tell you that “He that watches over Israel does not sleep or slumber.”

He is not the cause of that deformity, but He allowed it to happen because “He shall not allow you to be tempted beyond your ability.” Trust Him to walk with you and carry you through this journey for “His grace is sufficient”, and “He is the God of all flesh, is there anything hard for Him?” Embrace each day as it comes, and choose to look out for the good.

You are not alone in this journey, with a child having special needs. Reach out, for many are willing to help you. But that is if you will ask.


Photo credits




Written for Flash Fiction for the Purposeful Practitioner: Week #4- 2016

“Enough is enough”, she cried out, “I have walked in these ‘shoes’ for so long that I have lost sense of direction.”

I figured that it was Nancy’s way of telling me and whoever cared to hear that her journey had been long and hard for as long as she cared to remember. I had seen it in her eyes, the light had surely burnt out. Her stride no longer had the purposeful bounce. I longed to do something, but could only be if this proud girl would  show the need for it.

Now that she had finally put the need on the table, I could help her put the past behind and forge ahead.

I can now finally do for my sister what pride had stopped me from doing.