Steps from friendship to MARRIAGE

Moving on……..

  1. Relationship
    There are also FOUR progressive stages of RELATIONSHIP.
    A) ALONE Time
    When we are in a CLOSE friendship there needs to be a time of ME-to-ME relationship. It is important to spend some time alone. What issues do I have that I need to work on alone that would create havoc, if we pursued a more intimate friendship?

B) GROUP Time
Nobody is really pairing at this point in time, we are close friends. I am really interested in this person, but let’s get out and do some group activities, and see how the friend reacts and how I react in the group. For EXAMPLE, social skills, jealousy, and so forth.

C) Group with a PRIMARY
This is where we pair within the group. This is a safe way to COURT; it has no pressure and yet we are starting the pairing process.

D) Exclusive ONE-to-ONE RELATIONSHIP
We officially COURT and get to know each other more CLOSELY. To understand what LOVE is, one must ask…….. Do I want to INVEST myself in this person?
At this stage, the WOMAN is starting to feel SAFE, and there is EMOTIONAL bonding.

4. LOVE
The couple needs to DEFINE LOVE. Love is giving EVERYTHING, expecting NOTHING in return, and being SATISFIED that there is a JOY in GIVING rather than receiving UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. BOTH give 100% of each other. This will lead to a WONDERFUL loving and CARING relationship for a LONG LIFE together.

Love means:
NO EXPECTATIONS,
✅Being flexible;  CARING enough to not OVERRIDE and control each other,
✅Not expecting anything in RETURN,
✅Overall GIVING, like the example of our MESSIAH.
Jesus gave, even though He knew we would REJECT HIM. What He gave was FREELY given with NO CONDITIONS.

When two people come TOGETHER and they have built the building blocks of relationship and understand what TRUE LOVE really is, they will be founded on THE ROCK for a future life together.

The CLEAREST definition of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is in 1st Corinthians 13.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
4 Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, 5 never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong.
6 It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out.
7 If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.
8 All the special gifts and powers from God will someday come to an end, but love goes on forever.

After understanding what LOVE is, the couple will then make a DECISION if they will continue with their relationship and go towards MARRIAGE.

If both AGREE then the NEXT step is … More intimate courtship.
This is the time to begin to build your EMOTIONAL and SPIRITUAL intimacy while still saving your physical intimacy for AFTER Covenant. It’s a time to get to KNOW each other and to get to KNOW each other’s family and friends at a more INTIMATE level.

If you make the decision NOT to date because of its dangers, and to instead COURT, it will be one of the BEST decisions that you will ever make  You will PROTECT yourself and save yourself physically, emotionally, sexually, and spiritually for your COVENANT mate. So get a GOOD SUPPORT SYSTEM of friends and people who will PRAY for you and ENCOURAGE you in your decision.

Also, know that because this is GOD’s Way and not the world’s way, He will SUPPORT you with His Grace and Love. If you get tempted, call upon the POWER of His Holy Spirit and He WILL answer you.

5. ENGAGEMENT
From the time of the proposal, up to the date of the wedding, is the time for the couple to develop the relationship more DEEPLY, and to discuss important relationship guidelines like:
❇️How are we going to handle ANGER?
❇️Our MONEY?
❇️Raising CHILDREN?

During engagement, communication is VERY OPEN. INTENSE emotional bonding develops during this stage, where the man is to learn to bond EMOTIONALLY with the young lady and be NON-SEXUAL. This is where she finds her VALUE in how HE values her.

The man is to show how much he thinks of her, to value her in a NON-SEXUAL way, so that when they are INTIMATE in marriage, she is READY and will be COMFORTABLE in making love, because she will know it is not about how she LOOKS … its about who she IS.

The ENGAGEMENT period should be no longer than a year is an ideal period.

Credits – Amanda Buys

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STEPS of friendship to MARRIAGE.

“With dating being a root of several divorces, how do I find my future mate,” you may wonder. Here is how…….

1. Gift of ATTRACTION
This is GOD‘s GIFT, for a PURPOSE. It is HIS Way of DRAWING human beings together for a PAIRING PROCESS.

It is to develop FRIENDSHIP, where they must make a CHOICE to pursue a LONG TERM relationship.
The ENEMY has MESSED with this GIFT. We are told …’ if it feels GOOD, just do it. Giving into these LIES and our LUST will cause such DAMAGE.
The couple will start feeling insecure, and wonder what could possibly be wrong! One feels they want the power over the other person and this goes back and forth, and the couple can’t figure out what is wrong. Why isn’t this working? Why am I so intensely possessive over the other person?

If there is intimacy before marriage, and the couple goes from GIFT of ATTRACTION to sexuality, they have BYPASSED every step in their subconscious COMPUTER that is needed to be laid down for a LIFE-GIVING long term relationship. And they will HAVE to go BACK and follow GOD’s way.

2. Friendship
We develop Godly friendships in FOUR progressive stages. We suggest you make a list of all your friends and place them in the category of where they should be.
A) Acquaintance
You learn their names and you recognize them  give them respect and dignity and move on. You are not looking towards a long-term relationship. Youre alert to each new person around you, and have a CHEERFUL countenance and smile. You ask appropriate questions, which reflect interest and acceptance, and you’re a good LISTENER.

B) Casual
You run across each other and from there you get enough information about them to find out if they need to stay in the casual group, or move to the close friends group. You discover their strong points, and learn about their hopes and desires for their lives.
At this point, you develop and ask appropriate specific questions. You show interest and concern, and let them share problems with you. Be honest about yourself without digging up the past. Reflect interest and trustworthiness in being their friend.

C) Close
You could have quite a number of close friends. You see potential for achievement in their lives, and discover and discuss the specific goals they have. You serve an interest in the development of their goals. You’re aware of conflicts which may hinder the development of these goals, but are creative and encourage them to develop and achieve.

D) Intimate
This is where you should not have more than FIVE intimate friends at any one given time. These are friends, that if you tell something to them, it does not come back and bite you in future. Before sharing our intimate secrets and pain you need to know which of your friends are true friends and support systems. We talk too much to too many people, too many times and then we feel betrayed and unworthy and start hating ourselves for not having the right judgment in picking friends.
As intimate friends, you are sensitive to traits and attitudes in each other, that need improvement  and you are committed to:
– Give comfort through trials and sorrows.
– Assume a personal concern for their reputation.
– Faithfulness, loyalty, and availability.

There is more to this in the next post……..

Credits- Amanda Buys

The ‘Dating Game’ vs. COVENANT.

As strange as it may sound, dating is part of the REASON why our DIVORCE rate is so high … how does dating help us practice for divorce?

Because we make a COMMITMENT or promises that are a form of COVENANT to another person … and then we BREAK them.

We have not learned how to WORK through problems and issues. Instead, we have learned to MOVE ON when there are problems. Our souls continue to seek after the EXCITEMENT of a new relationship and we may have problems with finding SATISFACTION in the attention of just ONE person.

Dating and sexual DESIRES.
Sexual desires can be satisfied WITHOUT intercourse, such as heavy-petting. This will always lead to WRONG sexual imprinting. Many teenagers use drugs and alcohol, which leads to a break down in self-control and creates an inability to say, “NO to sexual behaviour. Their sexuality is then imprinted with the feelings of alcohol and/or drugs. The consequence will be that when married, their sexuality will need to go with alcohol and/or drugs, in order to be satisfied.

Dating and STEALING.
Dating is DANGEROUS because it leads to robbery. GOD HATES stealing. If we take another person’s virginity, we have just ROBBED their future husband or wife. If we take a part of another person’s HEART and BREAK it, we have just ROBBED their future husband or wife. If we DAMAGE a person’s ability to TRUST, we have just ROBBED their future husband or wife and them. It can also ROB the purity and the SPECIALNESS of your wedding day and wedding night. Until we are ready to make a life time, being in love is just a LIE.

Just as GOD’s love for us has caused Him to make an EVERLASTING COVENANT with us, TRUE LOVE must be MATURE enough to enter into COVENANT.

BUT how can I have FUN if I dont DATE?
You can have fun by doing things in the SAFETY of a group.

BUT how will I ever find the RIGHT person if I don’t DATE?
You don’t have to. You can leave that job up to your earthly father … and ABBA FATHER. He will SPEAK to your heart and let you know, “This is the one I have CHOSEN for you. By getting the witness of your PARENTS, pastors, and other spiritual LEADERS, you protect yourself from making a MISTAKE that will affect the REST of your life.

There are a lot of WRONG reasons to get MARRIED … the ONLY right reason is because GOD has said, “This is the time and this is the one.

Wow”, you may say, but most of your questions will answered in the next few posts.🙂

Credits – Amanda Buys