RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 15 -Understanding the Dynamics of Shame

You can’t minister to sexual areas without understanding the dynamics of shame. That’s because shame is usually deeply rooted in sexual wounding. We have to understand the nature of shame as I t is connected to sin, whether it is our own sin or someone else’s sin.

For example, a child can grow up in a home where the father is an alcoholic. They have a deep sense of shame. Is it their sin? No. It was the father’s sin. Poverty can create shame. Any type of abuse can create shame.

Shame separates us from God. In the Bible in Genesis 3, we see Adam and Eve doing two things.

🚩First, they covered themselves and

🚩then they hid themselves.

Shame always causes us to hide and cover our selves. It’s not as simple as just sewing fig leaves and hiding behind a bush.

We are creative with our covering. We may feel dirty from the molestation so we always have to be perfectly clean, and look and smell good. We are covering the shame on the inside of us. Or we may always have to have our house in perfect condition or our families have to look and act perfect at all times.

We may use behaviours to hide behind. If a conversation might get close to our shame, we will get angry or use humor. Silence and secrecy is the rule. It’s best not to tell anyone. We may become withdrawn and introverted. After all, if I open up and really start talking to someone, what might slip out?

Obsessive/compulsive behaviours can help hide the abusive memories. I don’t have to think about how dirty the abuse made me feel, I will just focus on washing my hands. I don’t have to deal with the emotional pain that the sexual abuse left me, I will just mutilate myself.

As I shared earlier, to medicate our pain and shame, addictions will enter in to the picture. I will cover the real issue with something I feel I can control. I can control my bulimia or what I eat through anorexia. I just have to be in control of something, because I felt so out of control when I was being molested.

Shame is a breeding ground for fear and control. 

🇳🇵I am afraid someone will find out what happened. If they do, they might reject me. I feel worthless because of the abuse or my own sexual sins.

🇳🇵Fear always leads to control. I have to control the conversation so I must do all the talking. We try to control what people think by selective sharing and by putting on a false front.

It can also open a door to a religious spirit. If I act really spiritual, no one will ever know about the incest that happened when I was a child. However, deep down inside I don’t really trust God I never learned how to trust because my father violated me.

The realities seem really unthinkable, but this is the world that we live in; with a lot of rot and pain. But there is hope because at the foundation of this world is a loving Father that wants to restore us and makes us whole.

There’s more to this post, check out the next post😉……..

Credits – Amanda Buys



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