RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 19 – Sexualy deviant behaviour cont’d

Moving on…….

Incest is sex between immediate family members. It is a generational sin. The Lordaddresses it in the 18th Chapter of Leviticus. As God explains different sexual abominations in this chapter, He also tells us that sexual abomination can literally defile the land and causes us to be cut off from the people of God.

Many times poverty, backsliding, and the inability to win family members to God can be rooted in the ancestral sin of incest. It never hurts to take time and stand in the gap and repent.

Here’s another example, the generational sin of illegitimacy goes down ten generations. In Deuteronomy 23:2, it tells us that those of illegitimate birth and their descendants cannot enter the assembly of God up till ten generations.

That’s a lot of people. I recommend that if you have trouble entering into worship or connecting with a church body, take a moment to repent for any illegitimacy that could have been in your family line. The enemy may still be trying to use this curse to battle against you.

You may not have fully applied the Blood of Christ through repentance in this area to break the power of the curse. God takes any sexual sin serious and so under the law, consequences of generational curses were released. We need to appropriate the redemption of the curse of the law through repentance.

Thank God, Jesus became a curse for us that we no longer have to live under the bondage of the curse of the law. It is only through an understanding of the curses of the Old Testament that we can truly get an understanding to what Jesus has done for us. He truly is our Bondage Breaker, redeeming us from the curse of the law.

Galatians 3:13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: ‘Cursed is everyone who is hung on a pole.’

You often find incest in homes where there is no physical or emotional affection demonstrated or where the mother or father refuses to meet their spouses’ sexual needs. It also can be a result of alcohol or drug use which causes self-control to break down.

Incest is often very difficult to minister to because of feelings of disloyalty and betrayal the victim has when sharing what has happened. The objections and feelings must be overcome for them to really open up.

Fears of destroying or hurting the family have to be ministered to as they break the family code of silence and secrecy. 

Imprinting also occurs;
♣️if the incest is with a father, grandfather, uncle or older cousin, it can create a desire for older men.
♣️The same applies to women. If it is with a younger sister or brother, it can create desires for pedophilia (sex with children).

Sometimes it is just part of the family history, everyone just sort of accepts it. Deep down they feel it is wrong but their entire extended family is participating in it. They have been basically brainwashed to believe that there is nothing really wrong with it.

Credits – Amanda Buys


RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 18 -More on Sexually Deviant Behaviours


In this post and those to follow, I want to share more about imprinting and resulting sexual behaviours. Let’s start with the area of homosexuality.

The world and even some of the church is confused on this issue. However, the Bible is totally clear. The Lord makes no bones about it. It’s an abomination. It goes against creation. It is sin and those that practice will reap consequences in this life and for eternity. Read Romans 1:20-32 and Leviticus 18:22.

It originates in the spirit realm as a result of nature worship, the worship of creation or the created thing. It is one of the reasons why many people in the arts are open to the homosexual spirit. They begin to worship their art and what they are able to create more than the Lord. This opens the doors in the spirit realm and gives the enemy a right to ensnare them through homosexual relationships.

I have yet to minister or meet someone who was struggling with homosexuality who did not have some form of same sex imprinting as a child, teenager or young adult.

I’m not saying they are not out there but they are not the norm. We know that also our family structure can help establish an environment where homosexuality flourishes. Whenever there is a strong, dominant, emasculating mother and a passive, weak, uninvolved and emotionally distant father, male homosexuality can flourish.

Whenever there is a passive, distant mother who is angry at being a woman and an over controlling, abusive, dominating man who really only values men, there is a danger of lesbianism. Yet in both of these cases, in my own experience, it still took some same sex imprinting to fully establish the homosexuality.

Other children could have grown up with the same family dynamics but without the sexual imprinting, they did not pursue a homosexual lifestyle. Now, they will be dysfunctional to a degree but just not in that area.

When ministering to the homosexual, you definitely need the tool of ungodly beliefs. (We will see them later in this series.) One of the root ungodly beliefs is that they were born that way. I always ask, “Why would God create you that way and then tell you it was wrong?”

The homosexuals will come to you at different levels. ♦️Some of them will be convinced it is sin and are truly desiring to be set free. Those are the easiest to walk through the ministry process.
♦️Others are confused and want to know the truth, you must be prepared to give them scripture and answer their questions.
♦️Others are still trying to convince themselves that it is alright so they will also be trying to convince you. Don’t debate or argue. Just let them know you have a different opinion based on the Bible.
Let them know if they ever change their mind you will be there for them. Later intercede for the fear of the Lord to be released into their lives.

Credits – Amanda Buys

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 17 – Dynamics of Shame cont’d

And lastly about shame dynamics………

Shame affects identity. Guilt feelings can come when we have done something wrong. That is normal. It is the way God created us. We feel conviction of the Holy Spirit. When we repent, guilt leaves. Shame tries to tell us who we are.

It creates feelings of rejection, unworthiness or we can develop opposite feelings of pride,self-righteousness and superiority as we try to combat the sense of shame deep inside.

To get free, we must begin to focus on who we are in Christ. We can no longer believe the lies of the enemy. A shameful thing may have happened to us or we may have even participated in something sexually shameful.

But that is not who we are. The enemy tries to use those things to pervert our identity. It is time to stop believing the lies and to fight for the truth. Those may be the facts of your life, but they are not the truth of the life of Christ in you.

You have to get delivered from the ministry of self-condemnation! You can discern the difference between condemnation and conviction.

⛳️When conviction comes and we truly repent, joy and peace always follows.

⛳️When it is the condemnation of the enemy, we repent and repent and never feel joy and peace. The heaviness does not lift. We have to rebuke condemnation but open our hearts to receive true conviction.

Many times we have spent years fighting off the shame, covering it up, and hoping it would just go away. It’s not always easy to get in touch with, but it’s worth it. I declare that the Lord Jesus can and will heal you of all of your shame which keeps you from enjoying His presence.

Let the Lord gracefully uncover the hidden things. Let His love cover you. His banner over you is love.

Song of Solomon 2:4 Let him lead me to the banquet hall, and let his banner over me be love.

Spend some quiet time before the Lord. Ask Him to show you some of your behaviours that are really rooted in your shame. Write them down.

Next, think about the things that the enemy has tried to convince you were true about yourself. “You are rejected, unprotected, unloved, unworthy, afraid, damaged, depressed, etc.”

Find scriptures to combat the lies of the enemy, write them down and meditate on them daily until you know that transformation has occurred. We are transformed by the renewing of our mind.

Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Start with at least 5 of them. If you need help, find someone who knows how to use a concordance and knows the Bible. Let them help you find scriptures that tell you who you are in Christ.

Put them in first person. “I am… “Keep the statements short and paraphrase if necessary so they are easy to memorize. Scripture examples:
– Ephesians 1:6 “l am accepted in the beloved.”
– Psalm 119:114 “I am shielded and protected by the Lord.”
– 2 Timothy 1:7 “l am a woman of power love and I have a sound mind.”
– Zechariah 2:8 “l am the apple of God’s eye.”
– 2 Corinthians 5:17 “l am new in Christ.”

We are surely more than conquerors in Christ Jesus, who first loved us. Nothing can defeat us, but that is a decision we have to make😀

Credits – Amanda Buys

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 16 – Dynamics of Shame cont’d

Continuing from where we left off……..

Without a true relationship with our Heavenly Father, we just end up religious. Just as Adam and Eve ran from their intimacy with God when shame entered in, we too will run from His presence because of our feelings of shame and unworthiness.

We can become overprotective and controlling with our children. “I will never let what happened to me happen to my children. I won’t let them out of my sight.” Our control will then foster rejection and rebellion in the people around us. Our children will rebel from the over control.

They will reject us. This creates even more shame. It is a vicious cycle which can only be dealt by going to the core which is either the sin that was committed against us or the sin we committed. Through forgiveness of others and ourselves, we can obtain access into the healing presence of God.

Isaiah 61:7 suddenly is no longer words in our Bible. It becomes our reality. “Instead of your shame you shall have double honour.”

Because of the dynamics of shame, which covers and hides, one of the most effective ways of combating it is to confess to someone. The Word says that if we confess sins our sins to one another that He will be faithful to heal us.

You may have experienced sexual abuse that was not your sin, but you may have harbored thoughts of hatred, even murder.

Those are sin and must be renounced. You need to find someone who you can trust; someone who has the ability to keep those issues in confidence. It may be a minister, a counselor or a friend. But I want to encourage you to open up to someone, it will be your first step to healing.

When the Lord paid for sin with His own precious Blood, He also paid for the shame that accompanied it. We rob Him when we withhold it. He wants to deliver us from it. It is so exciting to see what happens when shame leaves.

So many behaviours that we have tried to battle suddenly have no more power over us.

Perfectionism suddenly doesn’t seem so important any more.

The relentless need to stay busy, watch television, play computer games, work, go shopping, etc. leaves us. We no longer have to control the possibilities that memories will come back. As we are healed, insomnia leaves or the desire to oversleep goes.

So many times, we try to battle the fruit of our issues which leaves us frustrated and exhausted. We have to expose the root and minister to the root. When we do, the fruit of our lives will change.

Our fear is that if we get in touch with our painful memories, we will just be left with them and all the emotional baggage that goes with them. I [Amanda Buys] want to reassure you that I have never seen God leave anyone undone. It may be a journey but if you will take the first step, He will meet you all along the way.

Isaiah 54:4 says, “Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; for you will forget the shame of your youth.”

The journey may be painful, but it’s worth it. Take one step at a time, He’s got your back🙂

Just a little more about shame in our next post…..

Credits – Amanda Buys

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 15 -Understanding the Dynamics of Shame

You can’t minister to sexual areas without understanding the dynamics of shame. That’s because shame is usually deeply rooted in sexual wounding. We have to understand the nature of shame as I t is connected to sin, whether it is our own sin or someone else’s sin.

For example, a child can grow up in a home where the father is an alcoholic. They have a deep sense of shame. Is it their sin? No. It was the father’s sin. Poverty can create shame. Any type of abuse can create shame.

Shame separates us from God. In the Bible in Genesis 3, we see Adam and Eve doing two things.

🚩First, they covered themselves and

🚩then they hid themselves.

Shame always causes us to hide and cover our selves. It’s not as simple as just sewing fig leaves and hiding behind a bush.

We are creative with our covering. We may feel dirty from the molestation so we always have to be perfectly clean, and look and smell good. We are covering the shame on the inside of us. Or we may always have to have our house in perfect condition or our families have to look and act perfect at all times.

We may use behaviours to hide behind. If a conversation might get close to our shame, we will get angry or use humor. Silence and secrecy is the rule. It’s best not to tell anyone. We may become withdrawn and introverted. After all, if I open up and really start talking to someone, what might slip out?

Obsessive/compulsive behaviours can help hide the abusive memories. I don’t have to think about how dirty the abuse made me feel, I will just focus on washing my hands. I don’t have to deal with the emotional pain that the sexual abuse left me, I will just mutilate myself.

As I shared earlier, to medicate our pain and shame, addictions will enter in to the picture. I will cover the real issue with something I feel I can control. I can control my bulimia or what I eat through anorexia. I just have to be in control of something, because I felt so out of control when I was being molested.

Shame is a breeding ground for fear and control. 

🇳🇵I am afraid someone will find out what happened. If they do, they might reject me. I feel worthless because of the abuse or my own sexual sins.

🇳🇵Fear always leads to control. I have to control the conversation so I must do all the talking. We try to control what people think by selective sharing and by putting on a false front.

It can also open a door to a religious spirit. If I act really spiritual, no one will ever know about the incest that happened when I was a child. However, deep down inside I don’t really trust God I never learned how to trust because my father violated me.

The realities seem really unthinkable, but this is the world that we live in; with a lot of rot and pain. But there is hope because at the foundation of this world is a loving Father that wants to restore us and makes us whole.

There’s more to this post, check out the next post😉……..

Credits – Amanda Buys

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 14 – Help! I’m Married to a Sexual Abuse Victim! Cont’d…

And finally……….

♦️Make sure you give her plenty of personal attention, affection and romance without a demand for sex.

♦️Watch her more carefully.

♦️Understand her triggers.

Sometimes a person who looks a certain way can trigger her, or it can be a certain song, a certain time of the year, a certain way you touch her or look at her, a certain smell, etc.

She may not always realize she is triggered. But as you become sensitive, you will know.

Give her permission to let you know if she is triggered. Don’t brush it off as nothing. Sometimes, something as simple as a certain smell, can trigger a tremendous amount of memory and trauma.

As she gets more and more healed, there will be less and less triggering. We will talk more about how to pray later on in this series.

Be careful what kind of movies or videos you watch, they can re-trigger her. Don’t share her story or testimony without her permission. Ask for her forgiveness for any past insensitivity.

♦️Be patient, read and study the Bible and let God empower you with the ability to lay down your life for your wife.

♦️PRAY FOR HER DAILY!!! I can’t emphasize this enough. Some men have never laid hands on their wives and blessed them. They have never prayed for her infront of her. She is a dry land. You have not watered her.

Get up every morning and lay hands on her, pray blessings over her, quote scripture over her. The very word – husbandry – means to tend, to care for, to raise up. You have to learn how to husband your wife in order to be a true husband to her.

You will also begin to see how many of her other behaviours, that may have been difficult to live with, are actually tied to the sexual abuse.

Her need for an immaculate house, her obsessive need for shopping and clothes, not wanting to let the children out of her sight, the sad look that was always in her eyes, there are so many symptoms that are the result of sexual abuse but may not look like it at first glance.

Next, we get to look at The Dynamics of Shame, and will help us to understand behaviours related to shame. Whenever there has been sexual abuse, incest, molestation or rape, there is always shame. A sinful act took place. It wasn’t their fault or their sin, yet they took on the shame from the other person’s sin.

They felt sinful, dirty and ashamed. They didn’t want anyone to know. They must return the shame to its rightful owner, the person who committed the abuse.

Please understand, victimization has different levels and people are different so I have only given you some general guidelines that may help you in your situation.

If your husband or wife has been sexually violated, please take the time to do the following exercise.

1. First, forgive the people who have violated your spouse.
2. Forgive anyone who should have protected them and did not or were unable to.
3. Repent to the Lord for any anger that you may have towards Him.
4. Forgive yourself for any insensitivity on your part and any other things that the Lord shows you.
5. Repent to your husband/wife for any specific things the Lord shows you. Don’t just say I’m sorry for anything I did. That’s not getting in touch. Say, I’m sorry for the time I…, I’m sorry for doing… be specific. This may happen over a period of time as the Lord shows you more and more.
6. Forgive your husband/wife for what their behaviour (as a result of the abuse) did to you.

I forgive you for any rejection of my affection.
l forgive you for not making our home / a place I could just relax in. I forgive you for all your comments about men/women, etc.

– Receive healing and restoration for everything that has been stolen.
– Deal with any ungodly beliefs (we will see more later in the posts) that have been established, example:
– Our sex life will never be satisfying.
– I will always have to walk on egg shells. This is just too much work
– I will always be punished for what happened to them. I’m not equipped to deal with this and never will be.

Let the Lord show you your ungodly beliefs in this area and then we will take the time and go through the ministry process in later in the series where we pull down strongholds.

Credits – Amanda Buys

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 13 – Help! I’m Married to a Sexual Abuse Victim! Cont’d…

A little bit more🙂……..

Now he must work very hard to give her extra attention and affection that is not sexual in nature. If her hand was broken, he would have to give her special attention. He would have to help her do certain things. There would be some things he could not require her to do.

Her sexuality is broken; sensitivity is required in the healing process. But don’t be afraid, it won’t take forever. Many times, men are amazed as they minister to their wives who are sensitive in this area at how quick their wives’ healing can come. Again, she must also be in pursuit of restoration in this area.

🎵Also, in helping to restore boundaries, it’s good for a husband to ask, “Is it okay if I hug you? Is it okay if I kiss you?, etc.”

🎵Give her permission to say “no” without you feeling rejected. She will want to test you to see if you really mean it. Could you really love her that much? You will be surprised at how quick her “no” turns to “yes” when you really give her the right to use her “no” back to her. If you say, “I just want to hold you.”

🎵Even if you become aroused, restrain yourself. Basic trust is being reestablished. If you tell her that and then press for sex, she will feel like you deceived her and trust will be damaged.

I’m not going to lie to you, this takes work and patience.

But you have made covenant, you will be living with this woman for the rest of your life. You have a choice to either participate in her healing or to continue to re-victimize her.

No, you didn’t cause it. No, you didn’t do it to her. But you have the honor of participating with the Lord in her restoration and because of it; you will have, not just her body, but her heart. You also have to be a safe place for her to talk.

🎵You have to, ask some questions to show that you are really interested without pressing for details and information that she may not be ready to share. You can’t get over angry, especially if the perpetrator is a family member or friend of the family.

She will be afraid of what you might do. You have to show some hurt and anger over what has happened to her to show you care. But you must temper it – don’t over react because she won’t open up if she thinks you might make a scene or hurt someone.

🎵You may have to hear some painful details. Talking helps to cleanse the wound.

In the natural, all of the pus and infected area must be cleaned out of a wound for it to heal properly. In the spirit and soul realm, talking and releasing emotions helps cleanse our wounds.

God once spoke to me [Amanda Buys] and said that He had called me to be a “scab puller” in the Kingdom of God. My first thought was, “That doesn’t sound very pretty!”

Then He began to show me that our inner and outer man is the same. When we have a deep wound that doesn’t heal properly, it scabs over. It creates hardness of heart; there is not normal sensitivity. We may be able to go on with life, we are not bleeding and oozing all over the place, but it’s still not normal. No one likes to pull their own scabs.

But for healing to come, that scab must be removed and the wound must be cleaned out. Then it must be covered. In the spirit/soul realm, we cover the wounds with unconditional love and the Word of God until the fullness of healing takes place.

🎵Do more study on the topic. It will show her you are interested and will help you become better equipped.

Yes, marriage takes some work. Don’t shy away from helping your wife or husband, if the roles change. There is beauty in all this.

Now, on to our last portion of this, before we embark on other issues in sexuality……

Credits – Amanda Buys