DEALING WITH GRIEF 34 – Encouragement

A word of ENCOURAGEMENT!

The Hebrew word TRUST:
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart … know Him in all your ways.

The Hebrew word for trust is “bittachon”, from a root word batach that means “to lean upon,” to feel safe and secure.

“Bittachon” describes emotional acceptance of the goodness of the LORD.

Some of the teachers have said that while emunah,or “faith”, represents a state of understanding that GOD is intimately involved in all the events of the universe, bittachon means personally trusting that the LORD is present in every situation for your good.

Rabbi Bechaya put the distinction this way: “Everyone who trusts has faith, but not everyone with faith trusts.”

Bittachon is an intuitive awareness of the Personal Love of GOD for your life, coupled with complete trust that He cares for you (Romans 8:28). It is an expectation that the Love of GOD is “I-AM-always-with-you,” too.

The Greek word ANXIETY:
Where it is written, “cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7), the word translated “anxiety” (merimna) comes from a Greek verb (merizo) that means to be fragmented or divided into parts and pieces. We bring our brokenness to GOD — including even those distractions that tear us away from Him and that tend to make us inwardly fragmented — in order to receive GOD’s Healing Care for us.

Therefore choose to regard your brokenness as an invitation to come before GOD for healing. Never let it keep you from coming to the LORD for help!

We are not to be ignorant of satan and his devices … despite our many sins, frailties, and even our own inner ambivalence, we know that GOD Alone makes us whole and He is the True Lover of our souls.

The Spirit always cries out for you: come … it is my prayer and hope that each of us will draw near to GOD for life.

May the LORD GOD heal you, body and soul … may He ease your pain, increase your strength, and release you from all your fears. May blessing, love, joy, and true shalom surround you and fill you in the Love of Jesus our Savior.

AMEN!

Credits – Amanda Buys

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DEALING WITH GRIEF 31 – Divorce And Children cont’d

Helping children cope with divorce … work with your ex

Conflict between parents — separated or not — can be very damaging for kids. It’s crucial to avoid putting your children in the middle of your fights, or making them feel like they have to choose between you.

Rules of thumb

Remember that your goal is to avoid lasting stress and pain for your children. The following tips can save them a lot of heartache:

👍🏾Take it somewhere else. Never argue in front of your children, whether it’s in person or over the phone. Ask your ex to talk another time, or drop the conversation altogether.

👍🏾Use tact. Refrain from talking with your children about details of their other parent’s behavior. It’s the oldest rule in the book: if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

👍🏾Be nice. Be polite in your interactions with your ex-spouse. This not only sets a good example for your kids but can also cause your ex to be gracious in response.

👍🏾Look on the bright side. Choose to focus on the strengths of all family members. Encourage children to do the same.

👍🏾Work on it. Make it a priority to develop an amicable relationship with your ex-spouse as soon as possible. Watching you be friendly can reassure children and teach problem-solving skills as well.

The big picture

⭐️If you find yourself, time after time, locked in battle with your ex over the details of parenting, try to step back and remember the bigger purpose at hand.

⭐️Relationship with both parents. What’s best for your kids in the long run? Having a good relationship with both of their parents throughout their lives.

⭐️The long view. If you can keep long-term goals — your children’s physical and mental health, your independence — in mind, you may be able to avoid disagreements about daily details. Think ahead in order to stay calm.

⭐️Everyone’s well-being. The happiness of your children, yourself, and, yes, even your ex, should be the broad brushstrokes in the big picture of your new lives after divorce.

Helping children cope with divorce … know when to seek help.

Some children go through divorce with relatively few problems, while others have a very difficult time. It’s normal for kids to feel a range of difficult emotions, but time, love, and reassurance should help them to heal. If your kids remain overwhelmed, though, you may need to seek professional help.

Credits – Amanda Buys

DEALING WITH GRIEF 27 Divorce And Children cont’d

What to say and how to say it
 
😪Difficult as it may be to do, try to strike an empathetic tone and address the most important points right up front. Give your children the benefit of an honest — but kid-friendly — explanation.

😌Tell the truth. Your kids are entitled to know why you are getting a divorce, but long-winded reasons may only confuse them. Pick something simple and honest, like “We can’t get along anymore.” You may need to remind your children that while sometimes parents and kids don’t always get along, parents and kids don’t stop loving each other or get divorced from each other.

❤️Say “I love you.” However simple it may sound, letting your children know that your love for them hasn’t changed is a powerful message. Tell them you’ll still be caring for them in every way, from fixing their breakfast to helping with homework.

❇️Address changes. Preempt your kids’ questions about changes in their lives by acknowledging that some things will be different now, and other things won’t. Let them know that together you can deal with each detail as you go.

☹️Avoid blaming.

🌞It’s vital to be honest with your kids, but without being critical of your spouse. This can be especially difficult when there have been hurtful events, such as infidelity, but with a little diplomacy, you can avoid playing the blame game.

🤗Present a united front. As much as you can, try to agree in advance on an explanation for your separation or divorce — and stick to it.

👍Plan your conversations. Make plans to talk with your children before any changes in the living arrangements occur. And plan to talk when your spouse is present, if possible.

✅Show restraint. Be respectful of your spouse when giving the reasons for the separation.

Credits – Amanda Buys

DEALING WITH GRIEF 26

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Children and Divorce – Helping Kids Cope with Separation and Divorce

For children, divorce can be stressful, sad, and confusing. At any age, kids may feel uncertain or angry at the prospect of mom and dad splitting up. As a parent, you can make the process and its effects less painful for your children. Helping your kids cope with divorce means providing stability in your home and attending to your children’s needs with a reassuring, positive attitude. It won’t be a seamless process, but these tips can help your children cope.

A parent’s guide to supporting your child through a divorce

🛑As a parent, it’s normal to feel uncertain about how to give your children the right support through your divorce or separation. It may be uncharted territory, but you can successfully navigate this unsettling time — and help your kids emerge from it feeling loved, confident, and strong.

🛑There are many ways you can help your kids adjust to separation or divorce. Your patience, reassurance, and listening ear can minimize tension as children learn to cope with new circumstances. By providing routines kids can rely on, you remind children they can count on you for stability, structure, and care. And if you can maintain a working relationship with your ex, you can help kids avoid the stress that comes with watching parents in conflict. Such a transitional time can’t be without some measure of hardship, but you can powerfully reduce your children’s pain by making their well-being your top priority.

What I need from my mom and dad — a child’s list of wants

🌞I need both of you to stay involved in my life. Please text me, write letters, make phone calls, and ask me lots of questions. When you don’t stay involved, I feel like I’m not important and that you don’t really love me.
🌞Please stop fighting and work hard to get along with each other. Try to agree on matters related to me. When you fight about me, I think that I did something wrong and I feel guilty.
🌞I want to love you both and enjoy the time that I spend with each of you. Please support me and the time that I spend with each of you. If you act jealous or upset, I feel like I need to take sides and love one parent more than the other.
🌞Please communicate directly with my other parent so that I don’t have to send messages back and forth.
🌞When talking about my other parent, please say only nice things, or don’t say anything at all. When you say mean, unkind things about my other parent, I feel like you are expecting me to take your side.
🌞Please remember that I want both of you to be a part of my life. I count on my mom and dad to raise me, to teach me what is important, and to help me when I have problems.

Helping children cope with divorce…what to tell your kids

When it comes to telling your kids about your divorce, many parents freeze up. Make the conversation a little easier on both yourself and your children by preparing significantly before you sit down to talk. If you can anticipate tough questions, deal with your own anxieties ahead of time, and plan carefully what you’ll be telling them, you will be better equipped to help your children handle the news.

Credits – Amanda Buys

Adultery, ponography and sexual PERVERSION 4

Impaired Judgment
According to neuropsychologist Dr. Tim Jennings, “When you have premarital sex, your reward circuitry is bonded to them now, and it will be much deeper and hurtful.”

“Oftentimes, in breakups of people who’ve been sexually active, they can’t tolerate the sense of emptiness, so they rush into another relationship. The neuro circuits did not have time to reset, and so they’re impaired in their ability to bond with the next person, and they may become sexually active with them. This is just a repetitive cycle, and there are real impairments in bonding going on.”

Becoming Bonded With Porn
These same neurochemicals are present when viewing pornography. A man will become bonded with whatever he is engaged in during the moment these chemicals are released. When your relationship is being carried on with an image, you become bonded to whatever you’re viewing.

Dr. Doug Weiss, a marriage counselor, advises men to have eye contact with their wives during sex because they become bonded with that person. By doing this, he explains that, over time, individuals will decrease the “neural pathway to pornography and sexually inappropriate thoughts and beliefs and glue to healthy sexuality to [their] wife. When your brain thinks sex, it thinks, ‘Where’s my wife?’ And that is a great way to fight this battle.”

Discovering how our minds were designed to operate by a magnificent Creator reveals truth in the way we are to live.

Cycle of Sexual Sin
For someone viewing porn, one of the functions of oxytocin is to separate the experience and the excitement from the intensity of the shame. According to neuropsychologist Dr. Jes Montgomery, “Usually by the time they turn the computer off, they are already sinking into a sense of failure and shame, and the function of oxytocin is to tell the brain, ‘Wait a minute. You don’t want to remember that. You want to hold on to this excitement and this amazing magic that you just experienced.’”

Knowing how these neurochemicals interact and change the brain help us understand why sex is meant to be kept within the boundaries of marriage.

You see the overtones here about GOD’s Design for His Pure Temple. This is another reason why the devil attacks our sexuality so much — because in attacking human sexuality, it actually interferes with human bonding.

So, for those practicing sex outside of marriage, they are creating a bond with their partner, thus inhibiting their discernment of whether they should remain in that relationship. GOD wired and designed our brains for a specific purpose: to bond ourselves with the person we marry.

It’s never too late to re-wire yourself if you know you’ve erred. It’s the best gift you’ll give to your spouse and family. We can onl6 re-wire ourselves by understanding who we are in Christ; through His Word.

Credits – Amanda Buys

DATING, COURTSHIP, SEXUALITY, AND GOD’S PLAN FOR MARRIAGE 4

Pornography
Pornography is an INDICATOR of ARRESTED development and CHILDHOOD wounds.

Pornography must be AVOIDED because it also creates sexual IMPRINTING.

It creates desires for CERTAIN body types, for PERVERTED sexual practices, and often leads to MASTURBATION.
Pornography is ANYTHING that you can visually see — either in magazines, books, movies, videos,on the internet, cell phones or computer games that depict other people in a SEXUAL nature. It can ALSO be what you hear through things like music, movies, or videos.

Pornography allows you to be sexually stimulated WITHOUT the responsibilities or RISKS of a relationship. A centre-fold in amagazine or a poster on a wall cannot REJECT you. It’s about INSTANT gratification — I want it NOW!

In ARRESTED development, we always want something NEW. We buy a new car and then want another NEW CAR … like a CHILD wanting more toys – only TOY CARS are much cheaper than the real deal.

Relationship and intimacy takes WORK, sacrifice, COMMITMENT, and COMMUNICATION. If I’m an ADULT, I see value in my WIFE and am willing to INVEST in her completely, and BOND with her in every area — emotionally, SPIRITUALLY, sexually, being able to take a RISK and be VULNERABLE. A wife does the same for her husband out of choice, not out of co-dependency. It is a true desire to connect in every area.

When I’m ARRESTED, building relationships in MARRIAGE becomes a curse and a BURDEN to me.

PORNOGRAPHY is a SHORT CUT to sexual gratification … but comes with a HEAVY PRICE.
How does porn WORK?

🛑Our minds will create a situation any way the IMAGINATION will allow it. You can make a PICTURE or FANTASY anything you want it to become. You can look at the picture and the mind has the ability to animate it.
Though you may have 100 porn films and 300 magazines, your mind will focus ONLY on a FEW of these — and will become HOOKED on these. The same with the magazines — out of your whole collection, you will have about 10-15 magazines with certain pictures in each one, because the mind comes to ownership of what we fantasize about.

🛑The body RESPONDS to the FANTASY, and the FANTASY to the mind becomes REALITY. It is REAL to the SUBCONSCIOUS. Jesus says:
Matthew 5:28 But I say to you that everyone who so much as LOOKS at a woman with EVIL desire for  her has already committed adultery with her in his HEART.

The mind CANNOT tell the difference between REALITY and FANTASY. 

🛑SEX and SEXUAL pleasure (masturbation) is SUPER-GLUE, and will BOND you to whatever you’re receiving pleasure from.

🛑Pornography also creates DISSATISFACTION with the REALITY of life. People who have been imprinted sexually with pornography are usually NEVER HAPPY or  SATISFIED in a normal COVENANT sexual relationship, unless they are HEALED.

🛑MANY times pornography depicts PERVERTED sexual acts. It is a LIE to say I can look at pornography NOW, but when I get married I will stop … it will STILL affect you. You will either keep looking at it and HIDE it because of your SHAME, Or you will be frustrated and resentful that your COVENANT relationship is not meeting the WRONG desires that are in you.

Credits – Amanda Buys

DATING, COURTSHIP, SEXUALITY, AND GOD’S PLAN FOR MARRIAGE 2

What is the marriage COVENANT?
The PROMISES or agreement made by a MAN and a WOMAN to do or keep from doing a specified thing. In marriage, the covenant is to be “ONE flesh”, and have no other sexual relationships, physically or mentally, with anyone else. If they do, it is considered ADULTERY.
WHY do we need to understand our SEXUALITY?
In order to PROTECT your sexuality, you must UNDERSTAND it. When we don’t know thePURPOSE for something, we can misuse and abuse it.

A good example of this is electricity. Electricity is a wonderful thing. It is also very POWERFUL. When used properly, electricity does so much GOOD. However, when we don’t understand how it works, or the dangers of doing certain things —electricity can cause much damage.

It is the same for our sexuality. We have to UNDERSTAND that we were created spirit, soul, and body— and SEX is not just a PHYSICAL thing. So if we ABUSE our sexuality, it AFFECTS us spiritually, emotionally, mentally, AND physically.

ANYTIME we use our sexuality OUTSIDE of a COVENANT marriage relationship, we have abused it.

We were created for COVENANT, and our sexuality was designed to be an exclusive part of that one COVENANT marriage.

GOD did not make it hard to be sexually faithful … SIN has made it HARD!
Sexual PROTECTION.
We have a RESPONSIBILITY to protect our sexuality from WRONG messages. It is IMPORTANT to GUARD your ear and eye GATE regarding:
– The MUSIC you listen to.
– MOVIES/TV you watch.
– CONVERSATIONS you hear.

Song of Songs 3:5 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not AROUSE or AWAKEN love until it so desires.
Our SEXUALITY is SO PRECIOUS — designed to only be AWAKENED in MARRIAGE and with that ONE person. AWAKENING sexuality before that TIME, causes GREAT DAMAGE.

Even “LITTLE THINGS” like listening to music or watching things that are very SEXUAL in nature, can begin to AWAKEN desires in children/young people that they are not ready for. Because lust is avery strong (PLEASURABLE) desire, it can lead to making BAD choices. And there are SERIOUS consequences to making poor choices, such as teenage pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and SO FORTH.
And MOST IMPORTANTLY, un-Godly sexuality will damage your ability to BOND and LOVE that ONE person, which everyone is HARD-WIRED to desire.

If we’re all HONEST, we all want an exclusive COVENANT relationship.