DEALING WITH GRIEF 24

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DIVORCE CONT’D – Self-care tips:

😌Make time each day to nurture yourself. Help yourself heal by scheduling daily time for activities you find calming and soothing. Go for a walk in nature, listen to music, enjoy a hot bath, get a massage, read a favorite book, or savor a warm cup of tea.

😌Pay attention to what you need in any given moment and speak up to express your needs. Honor what you believe to be right and best for you even though it may be different from what your ex or others want. Say “no” without guilt or angst as a way of honoring what is right for you.

😌Stick to a routine. A divorce or relationship breakup can disrupt almost every area of your life, amplifying feelings of stress, uncertainty, and chaos. Getting back to a regular routine can provide a comforting sense of structure and normalcy.

😌Take a time out. Try not to make any major decisions in the first few months after a separation or divorce, like starting a new job or moving to a new city. If you can, wait until you’re feeling less emotional so that you can make better decisions.

😌Avoid using alcohol, drugs, or food to cope. When you’re in the middle of a breakup, you may be tempted to do anything to relieve your feelings of pain and loneliness. But using alcohol, drugs, or food as an escape is unhealthy and destructive in the long run. It’s essential to find healthier ways of coping with painful feelings.

😌Explore new interests. A divorce or breakup is a beginning as well as an end. Take the opportunity to explore new interests and activities. Pursuing fun, new activities gives you a chance to enjoy life in the here-and-now, rather than dwelling on the past.

😌Making healthy choices: Eat well, sleep well, and exercise.
When you’re going through the stress of a divorce or breakup, healthy habits easily fall by the wayside. You might find yourself not eating at all or overeating your favorite junk foods. Exercising might be harder to fit in because of the added pressures at home and sleep might be elusive. But all of the work you are doing to move forward in a positive way will be pointless if you don’t make long-term healthy lifestyle choices.

You are fighting from the victor’s side🤗🤗

Credits – Amanda Buys

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The ‘Dating Game’ vs. COVENANT.

As strange as it may sound, dating is part of the REASON why our DIVORCE rate is so high … how does dating help us practice for divorce?

Because we make a COMMITMENT or promises that are a form of COVENANT to another person … and then we BREAK them.

We have not learned how to WORK through problems and issues. Instead, we have learned to MOVE ON when there are problems. Our souls continue to seek after the EXCITEMENT of a new relationship and we may have problems with finding SATISFACTION in the attention of just ONE person.

Dating and sexual DESIRES.
Sexual desires can be satisfied WITHOUT intercourse, such as heavy-petting. This will always lead to WRONG sexual imprinting. Many teenagers use drugs and alcohol, which leads to a break down in self-control and creates an inability to say, “NO to sexual behaviour. Their sexuality is then imprinted with the feelings of alcohol and/or drugs. The consequence will be that when married, their sexuality will need to go with alcohol and/or drugs, in order to be satisfied.

Dating and STEALING.
Dating is DANGEROUS because it leads to robbery. GOD HATES stealing. If we take another person’s virginity, we have just ROBBED their future husband or wife. If we take a part of another person’s HEART and BREAK it, we have just ROBBED their future husband or wife. If we DAMAGE a person’s ability to TRUST, we have just ROBBED their future husband or wife and them. It can also ROB the purity and the SPECIALNESS of your wedding day and wedding night. Until we are ready to make a life time, being in love is just a LIE.

Just as GOD’s love for us has caused Him to make an EVERLASTING COVENANT with us, TRUE LOVE must be MATURE enough to enter into COVENANT.

BUT how can I have FUN if I dont DATE?
You can have fun by doing things in the SAFETY of a group.

BUT how will I ever find the RIGHT person if I don’t DATE?
You don’t have to. You can leave that job up to your earthly father … and ABBA FATHER. He will SPEAK to your heart and let you know, “This is the one I have CHOSEN for you. By getting the witness of your PARENTS, pastors, and other spiritual LEADERS, you protect yourself from making a MISTAKE that will affect the REST of your life.

There are a lot of WRONG reasons to get MARRIED … the ONLY right reason is because GOD has said, “This is the time and this is the one.

Wow”, you may say, but most of your questions will answered in the next few posts.🙂

Credits – Amanda Buys

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 34 – Help, I am married to a sex addict! cont’d

Picking up from the previous post……….

One of the hardest things to do is to separate love from the addiction. Yes, your husband can still love you and yet be addicted to pornography. My daughters loved me, but they were still addicted to alcohol and drugs.

However, the addiction keeps them from demonstrating the love in a healthy manner and at times their addiction may even take a higher priority.

However, we can’t say, “If you loved me, you wouldn’t do this.” No, if they were not addicted, they wouldn’t do it. We have to support them as they walk through their recovery.

They also need our spiritual warfare. We need to direct our anger towards the spirit realm, to spirits of lust, pornography, masturbation, adultery, perversion, etc. If you do not understand spiritual warfare, it is important that you find information on it.

You need to be equipped. You are in a war whether you like it or not. You must know your authority as a believer. You must learn the weapons of your warfare. The Word of God says that you own your spouse’s body. You are one. You must begin to take dominion over what God has given you.

Spiritual warfare also helps you not to feel so helpless and hopeless. There really is something you can do to help. Again, you can’t do all of it. The addict has to make right choices but your prayers can sure help!

I realize that this is much easier said than done but you cannot let their addiction affect your self-image. It is not what you lack that has caused the problem; it is what they are. I know of beautiful women with lovely personalities who have husbands addicted to pornography.

You are not the problem. Don’t allow their addiction to affect your self-worth. You are not crazy. It is not your fault. Their addiction issues are usually rooted in childhood issues that were there long before you came along.

Make sure you take care of yourself, exercise and eat properly. Neglecting yourself will not solve the problem. Be careful of becoming jealous and obsessive; always wondering what he is doing, is he looking at someone, where has he been. It can begin to rule your life.

You must trust the Lord to give you discernment when things are out of order. Until then go on with your life. Pray that all things will be exposed. They will be. God is faithful. The Word of God tells us that a man who covers his sin will not prosper. God wants sin uncovered.

Another cycle often takes place with addictions that you need to be aware of because it can affect you. Often while the addiction is happening, the spouse will be very supportive. They will hold everything together and believe for healing, however, when recovery truly starts, that is when they let loose.

Their true anger comes to the surface, they begin to fall apart and now they are resentful for all the years when there was no healing. The addict is bewildered. Now is when they think their spouse is going to throw a party, strike up the band and have a parade in their honor.

But they just want to kill them and punish them for the past. Actually, this is part of recovery. However, some people get stuck in this mode. You can’t stay there. You have to work through the anger, the resentment, regret and bitterness. The addict must realize this is part of the process or they will throw in the towel and say, “It doesn’t matter what I do, she is never happy.”

Eventually, if continual progress is made, the addict stays clean, the spouse gets over being mad, the family learns new ways of interacting and they can live happily ever after. Now all that can be said in one sentence but in reality, it can take years to walk out. I will not lie to you and tell you it will all be easy.

It won’t be. There will be heart aches, disappointments, ups and downs but there can also be great victories, a closer relationship with the Lord and a restored marriage and family.

🙂Make sure the addiction doesn’t consume you. It is already consuming one family member. Have fun, enjoy your family. Don’t allow the addiction to rob these years of your life.

🙂Don’t be ashamed, there are a lot of women dealing with the same issues. They could be sitting right next to you in church. Reach out for help.

🙂Educate yourself. If necessary find a good support group. If there’s not one in your area that just deals with sexual issues, join one that supports recovery of any sort. It will still help.

🙂Make sure you stay close to God. Don’t get mad at Him. He is not the problem. He wants your husband free even more than you do. He died for it.

🙂Learn more about co-dependency. Set healthy boundaries in all areas of your life.

🙂You may not only have to forgive your husband but any other women involved as well. Don’t become his Holy Ghost, let the Lord convict him of his sinfulness.

🙂Use wisdom in who you open up to. Make sure they can keep confidence. You will not help his shame level if he’s not sure who you have told. Once recovery is complete, his shame will turn to testimony of God’s grace.

🙂Keep a journal. It will help you get out your emotions. It’s also a good way to see progress when you get too close to the situation.

AND FINALLY, DON’T BLAME YOURSELF!
Assignment

Write down your feelings related to your spouse’s sexual addiction.
Write down your fears on setting boundaries in the relationship.
What areas of co dependency do you see in your own life? How do you cover up for or enable your spouse?
The journey is definitely not easy, but staying on course is the on,y thing that will yield you results.

Credits – Amanda Buys

RESTORATION OF MANHOOD 25 – Staying power

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A MAN’S GREATEST STRENGTH
A man’s strength lies in these things;
– To make and keep promises.
– Refusing to turn from his commitment.
– It is this staying power that makes and marks a man.
– Not bungee jumping, playing rugby, etc.
– Certainly not leaving your wives.
– Not abandoning your families.

The curse of our day is not so much the AIDS epidemic as it is men who don’t know what a man is and who cut and run from their wives and families.

Some statistics…
– Through most of the 70’s and 80’s, a million children a year watched their parents split-up.
– Over fifty million kids are growing up in homes without a father.
– 70% of men in prison grew up without a father.

Our world is falling apart for lack of kings, warriors, mentors and lovers, for lack of men who will stay and who will keep their word. Keeping your word is critical.

The calling of every man is to offer stability to a world full of chaos.

We live in a “hope so” world. There are few certainties in this life. We “hope…”
– That our marriages will work out
– That we will find fulfillment
– That our children will turn out okay
– That we’ll be able to keep a decent job.

A real man brings certainty to his world by the power of a promise. Promise making and keeping is at the heart of godliness.

At the heart of God – at the core of His nature – is the making and keeping of promises. All Scripture hangs on a promise – a series of covenants.

Out of the whole world, two people – a man and a woman – chose each other. There will always be someone else more beautiful, intelligent, wealthy, witty, competent, sensitive or sensual, But the power of that choice, that promise should keep them together with no question of finding a “better mate”.

The toxin of comparison should be utterly neutralized and washed away by the sacred anti-toxin of promise.

At the heart of staying power is SACRIFICE – giving one’s self up for the good of another.

Our example is: THE LORD JESUS CHRIST.
When He could have turned away from the cross, He stayed on course all the way to Calvary. When He could have come down from the cross and sidestepped the suffering, He stayed. He persevered and “stayed under” all the way until that moment came when He could cry out, “It is finished”.

Why did He do that?
– So that through His resurrection power alive in your lives, you can become the kind of man He called you to be.
– You can hang in there and face anything life or death of hell has to throw at you – because He did it all before you.

Credits – Amanda Buys.
Image source – blackdoctor.org

PANIC OR PARENTING??

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Parents, we have learned a lot over the years. It is our experience that gives us something to offer our children; otherwise, we would be a blank slate. However, in as much as you have got all that experience under your belt, do your child a favour, do not throw it in their face.

Allow your child to learn on their own as well. Give them the chance to experiment; within limits. Otherwise, you would be no better than one that locks their child up in the house with the hope that they are shielding them from the wrong elements. That is pillaging personified.

While you may filter what they can or can not do; which is obviously your responsibility, do not close them off totally.

I know, you may say, ‘better to protect than be sorry’, but the price of a dysfunctional or half-baked child is one that is too high to pay. It’s a bounty one does not want on their head

Happy Parenting

 

Posted on Daily Post – Pillage, Bounty, Filter

RUFFLED FEATHERS

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He was tired, actually, worn out. He’d tried to be clean but all it ever lasted was a week, and he was back, harder than before. The pressure to turn the corner was intensifying. While he wanted to change, more than anyone could imagine, he had lost all sense of direction.

He was not sure what led to it all, but Danny had flipped. I guess the need to please those in his life had finally cracked him. It was now harder to hold down a job, not to mention find one. Besides that, his marriage was surviving by the thread and his children barely knew him anymore.

His family had tried all they could, but nothing had yielded any tangible result. Not until he was celebrating his fortieth birthday, did he recognise how much he had lost and how bleak the future looked.

That was the trigger he’d needed all this while to take the reins of his life back.

Posted on Daily Post – Recognise, Overwhelming, Clean