Adultery, ponography and sexual PERVERSION 4

Impaired Judgment
According to neuropsychologist Dr. Tim Jennings, “When you have premarital sex, your reward circuitry is bonded to them now, and it will be much deeper and hurtful.”

“Oftentimes, in breakups of people who’ve been sexually active, they can’t tolerate the sense of emptiness, so they rush into another relationship. The neuro circuits did not have time to reset, and so they’re impaired in their ability to bond with the next person, and they may become sexually active with them. This is just a repetitive cycle, and there are real impairments in bonding going on.”

Becoming Bonded With Porn
These same neurochemicals are present when viewing pornography. A man will become bonded with whatever he is engaged in during the moment these chemicals are released. When your relationship is being carried on with an image, you become bonded to whatever you’re viewing.

Dr. Doug Weiss, a marriage counselor, advises men to have eye contact with their wives during sex because they become bonded with that person. By doing this, he explains that, over time, individuals will decrease the “neural pathway to pornography and sexually inappropriate thoughts and beliefs and glue to healthy sexuality to [their] wife. When your brain thinks sex, it thinks, ‘Where’s my wife?’ And that is a great way to fight this battle.”

Discovering how our minds were designed to operate by a magnificent Creator reveals truth in the way we are to live.

Cycle of Sexual Sin
For someone viewing porn, one of the functions of oxytocin is to separate the experience and the excitement from the intensity of the shame. According to neuropsychologist Dr. Jes Montgomery, “Usually by the time they turn the computer off, they are already sinking into a sense of failure and shame, and the function of oxytocin is to tell the brain, ‘Wait a minute. You don’t want to remember that. You want to hold on to this excitement and this amazing magic that you just experienced.’”

Knowing how these neurochemicals interact and change the brain help us understand why sex is meant to be kept within the boundaries of marriage.

You see the overtones here about GOD’s Design for His Pure Temple. This is another reason why the devil attacks our sexuality so much — because in attacking human sexuality, it actually interferes with human bonding.

So, for those practicing sex outside of marriage, they are creating a bond with their partner, thus inhibiting their discernment of whether they should remain in that relationship. GOD wired and designed our brains for a specific purpose: to bond ourselves with the person we marry.

It’s never too late to re-wire yourself if you know you’ve erred. It’s the best gift you’ll give to your spouse and family. We can onl6 re-wire ourselves by understanding who we are in Christ; through His Word.

Credits – Amanda Buys

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Adultery, masturbation, and sexual PERVERSIONS.

A word on ADULTERY.
If you open un-Godly sexual doors, the enemy will be sure to send you just the right “DELILAH”. If you start to FANTASIZE about her, the mind will start to ANIMATE situations with her. After SEVEN times of masturbating with her image in mind, the SUBCONSCIOUS will start believing there is a RELATIONSHIP, and you will become SEXUALLY DEPENDENT upon her image.

As you FLIRT with her and meeting times become more and more INTENSE, a day will come when you WILL go over into the REAL act of sexual intimacy.

The SUBCONSCIOUS has ALREADY believed you have a RELATIONSHIP with her, and there will be NO stopping this act of ADULTERY. No matter how much you know it is SIN, in your MIND you have already done the deed …

Premarital sex.
Heavy petting means we have overstepped GOD’s Boundaries in the dating/courting stage, and for the rest of your married life with that same woman, she will make you prove to show her you love her for who she is and not for what she does. Couples think that if they have not had physical intercourse but just mutual masturbation, it means they have not sinned — “We will try to justify anything to fulfill the desires of the flesh.”

A word on masturbation within MARRIAGE.
Fantasizing even about your WIFE will LOCK you in. It is another QUICK FIX without the COMMITMENT of BONDING. When you do try to have intimacy with your wife, because of the TIME it takes for her to BUILD UP to the sexual act, you will become DISSATISFIED and FRUSTRATED, causing DAMAGE to the intimacy within MARRIAGE.

It is a fantasy that begins to make your body respond, and then you get angry at your partner and start making demands of her, because you want the fulfillment of what you have been fantasizing about — she is there, but you don’t want to take the time and effort a real relationship takes to build up to the sexual act. A wife needs to be wooed and loved to build up to intimacy, where masturbation is a selfish, quick release.

Credits – Amanda Buys

DATING, COURTSHIP, SEXUALITY, AND GOD’S PLAN FOR MARRIAGE 2

What is the marriage COVENANT?
The PROMISES or agreement made by a MAN and a WOMAN to do or keep from doing a specified thing. In marriage, the covenant is to be “ONE flesh”, and have no other sexual relationships, physically or mentally, with anyone else. If they do, it is considered ADULTERY.
WHY do we need to understand our SEXUALITY?
In order to PROTECT your sexuality, you must UNDERSTAND it. When we don’t know thePURPOSE for something, we can misuse and abuse it.

A good example of this is electricity. Electricity is a wonderful thing. It is also very POWERFUL. When used properly, electricity does so much GOOD. However, when we don’t understand how it works, or the dangers of doing certain things —electricity can cause much damage.

It is the same for our sexuality. We have to UNDERSTAND that we were created spirit, soul, and body— and SEX is not just a PHYSICAL thing. So if we ABUSE our sexuality, it AFFECTS us spiritually, emotionally, mentally, AND physically.

ANYTIME we use our sexuality OUTSIDE of a COVENANT marriage relationship, we have abused it.

We were created for COVENANT, and our sexuality was designed to be an exclusive part of that one COVENANT marriage.

GOD did not make it hard to be sexually faithful … SIN has made it HARD!
Sexual PROTECTION.
We have a RESPONSIBILITY to protect our sexuality from WRONG messages. It is IMPORTANT to GUARD your ear and eye GATE regarding:
– The MUSIC you listen to.
– MOVIES/TV you watch.
– CONVERSATIONS you hear.

Song of Songs 3:5 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not AROUSE or AWAKEN love until it so desires.
Our SEXUALITY is SO PRECIOUS — designed to only be AWAKENED in MARRIAGE and with that ONE person. AWAKENING sexuality before that TIME, causes GREAT DAMAGE.

Even “LITTLE THINGS” like listening to music or watching things that are very SEXUAL in nature, can begin to AWAKEN desires in children/young people that they are not ready for. Because lust is avery strong (PLEASURABLE) desire, it can lead to making BAD choices. And there are SERIOUS consequences to making poor choices, such as teenage pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and SO FORTH.
And MOST IMPORTANTLY, un-Godly sexuality will damage your ability to BOND and LOVE that ONE person, which everyone is HARD-WIRED to desire.

If we’re all HONEST, we all want an exclusive COVENANT relationship.

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 47 – Protecting Our Children

No doubt, any type of abuse is terrible, but sexual abuse is one of the most destructive. I [Amanda Buys] am thankful, my children were older before I began to do as much ministry as I have in this area.

From what I have heard, it would have been hard to let them out of my sight. So many children have been abused by trusted family members, neighbors or members of the community. Who do you trust? We must protect and educate our children.

My answer is the Lord! In this society, you must trust your God given discernment. If you sense anything or anyone makes you uncomfortable. Explore it. Watch your children. Ask them questions.

If adults or teenagers seem unnaturally interested in your children, be careful. They may begin buying them gifts or wanting to take them places a lot of times.

It takes discernment to know when someone is just reaching out to a child and if they are just luring them in to a relationship in order to molest them. I would rather error by protecting the child in these circumstances. Again, ask them questions.

Because of the condition of our society, we must begin to teach our children at a very young age that there are certain parts of their bodies that other people should not touch. We need to encourage them to tell us if anyone is touching them in those areas.

Empower their “no” let them know that it is their body and if someone touches them and they don’t like it to tell them to stop.

 Example 1:
A little 2 year old girl is asked for a hug. It is totally innocent but she says “No” and pulls away. They try to pull her towards them for a hug.

⛰As parents, we must immediately step in and say “Please respect her ‘No'” – even if it wasn’t meant to be sexual or harmful. We empower our children when we respect them.

⛰We need to watch for symptoms; a change in personality or disposition, crying when they are left in someone’s care (sometimes it is just separation anxiety). However, if their behaviour changes, be alert.

Example 2
They used to love going to grandpa’s house and now they don’t want to go. They flinch when grandpa hugs them.

🌋Watch for the signs and then ask questions. Has anybody touched them wrong? Has anybody done anything that made them feel bad or uncomfortable? Suddenly they are quieter than normal, why?

Most people I have ministered to tried to let someone know that something was happening to them. They just couldn’t do it by talking. Most of the times, they have been sworn to silence and secrecy.

Example 3
They couldn’t figure out how come Mom didn’t see or why their teachers couldn’t tell what was happening.

🌋Sometimes we don’t want to see, we are in denial or sometimes we don’t even know what to look for.

Other symptoms may be:
🎈bed wetting,
🎈physical symptoms like urinary tract infections,
🎈bleeding from the rectum,
🎈unusual rashes on their legs.

🎀If there seems to be a regression in their emotional development, ask questions.

🎀All of a sudden they have started sucking their thumb again or biting their nails. Why?

So many times parents just get caught up in trying to stop the behaviour, they don’t take time to find out why it’s there. It’s the same thing with children, get to the root and you will change the fruit.

🎀Give your children healthy, Godly physical affection so they will not have to find it in illegitimate ways. There are more promiscuous girls simply because Daddy never took the time to hug them and make them feel good about themselves. It left a hole that they keep trying to fill.

We need touch as human beings. Studies have shown that even animals left untouched do not thrive, they can even die. I have seen a lot of incest in homes where affection was not expressed. The children turn to each other for physical touch and it gets out of hand.

🎀Protect your children by monitoring what they watch on television and movies. Access to the Internet is extremely dangerous without some sort of protection programs.

Many elementary age children and teenagers are looking at pornography in the privacy of their homes. If you do not have a protection program, check the computer history or disable the computer until you are home to monitor their activity.

🎀Talk to your children about sexual issues at age appropriate times. Don’t wait for the school or their friends to do it for you.

Again because of our society, what used to be talked about at ages 14 and 15 probably needs to be discussed at age 12 and 13. You have to judge the maturity level of your child. Just don’t underestimate it.

They will find out about sex one way or another. You can control wrong messages with proper information.

🎀If you work with children in any capacity, as a teacher, youth leader, coach, etc. and see any signs of sexual abuse, ask questions. Often they are just waiting for someone to open the door. Follow proper channels as laid out by the authorities in the institution where you are working and contact the appropriate people.

IF A CHILD HAS REPORTED SEXUAL ABUSE, UNDER LAW IT MUST BE REPORTED IMMEDIATELY.

🎀We also protect our children through practicing modesty in our homes and keeping them free from pornography. I can’t tell you how many adults I have ministered to who knew exactly where their parents’ stash of pornography was.

Don’t look the other way. We have looked the other way too long. Let’s start protecting our children!

Credits – Amanda Buys

RESTORATING YOUR SEXUALITY 41 – Ministry cont’d

Moving on……..

How do we access God’s healing?

 As I said earlier, first we have to forgive. That is the doorway to His presence.

Then I like to ask the Lord where He wants to start. When it is in the area of sexual healing, I like to start with, “Lord show us where the first sexual damage or imprinting came in.”

After God shows the specific memory, then it’s time to pour out our complaint. We need to tell the Lord how we it made us feel, what it did to us, the damage it caused. We need to clean out the wounded area.

Sometimes anger or tears are expressed at this point. It is okay to be angry and sin not. It is okay to cry and express grief. However, we don’t measure the success of the ministry by the amount of tears cried. I have seen major healing take place without a tear shed. But we are to weep with those who weep.

For too long, the church has made people put on a smile when inside they have been weeping. Once true healing comes, the joy of the Lord will be automatic. It’s easy to praise God when we have truly been set free.

VERY IMPORTANT! Jesus never said, “Okay, I know you are blind, crippled and oppressed but follow me. What’s the matter with you, why can’t you keep up? No, He healed them and set them free and then said, “Now, follow Me.”

We have gotten it backwards. There is a ministry philosophy that says, “Everything is fixed on the day of salvation, you should need nothing more.” That is true spiritually but that truth must be brought to the soul.

We are saved, yet we must work out our salvation with fear and trembling. Our souls must be sanctified. Remember 2 Corinthians 7:1 tells us that we must participate in the sanctifying process.

2nd Corinthians 7:1 Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.

If Jesus is our Healer and He restores our souls, just when and how is He going to do that? He can’t do it before we have met Him and know Him and if He does it all at the point of salvation, why don’t we see evidence of it.

All around us there are Christians at different levels of glory, different levels of healing and freedom.

Why? Because it is a process and it takes an intimate relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ to allow Him to go where no man has gone before in our lives.

Now it’s time to ask the Lord to reveal Himself and to touch us and speak to us. Many times we will actually see Him in the memory. He may speak to us. He may do something.

Suddenly, the Spirit of Understanding comes, we realize He was there all along. He was wanting to minister to us, we just weren’t in touch with Him. One word, one picture from the Lord can melt years of pain, misunderstanding and torment.

It’s always good to go back and check the memory. Is there any more pain there, any more fear?How do you feel? If everything is clear, go on to the next thing the Lord shows you.

Again you don’t have to rush it, take your time. You may want to have someone help you when you first get started but the Spirit of the Lord can bring healing any time and any place as long as we are open.

We get to look at some examples in our next post……

Credits – Amanda Buys

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 26 – Sexually deviant behaviour cont’d

PROSTITUTION

As we look at these sexual deviant behaviours, the most important thing is to give us an understanding of how sexual imprinting plays a part in these behaviours. Let’s discuss prostitution.

Prostitution is the selling of yourself sexually to another person. I want to take a moment here and digress.

I have found that the spirit of harlotry is actually at the root of many marriages. I have said that there are more married prostitutes than those walking the streets.

These are the women who have sold themselves in to a marriage for what they could get out of it. Maybe it was security, money, position or possessions. Whatever it was, they sold themselves sexually for it. They just tried to legitimize it through marriage.

Here are some issues you find when harlotry is at the foundation of a marriage.

⏭First of all, the wife is never satisfied. No matter how much money, how much security, how much clothes, jewelry, etc.; it is never enough.
After all, how much do you need to sell yourself for? What are you worth? The man will always feel used and unappreciated. They tend to keep giving to hold the marriage together but become even more and more resentful.

⏭Sometimes they will end up having an affair with someone they feel just loves them for themselves and not what they can give them. Again this can be healed and restored once it is recognized.

Many times these things happen before we are Christians. Now we are Christians and our marriage is in a mess. God wants to put it on a right foundation and pull the harlotry out from it. It must be repented of.

The woman must become honest with herself, her husband and the Lord and repent for selling herself or trading herself in the marriage. The man must repent for agreeing to the terms.

Usually deep down inside, he already knows he bought her. Now he must admit it to himself, to her and to the Lord. I have seen wonderful things happen in marriages when God put this area on a right foundation.

Areas of imprinting that can take place which would lead to normal prostitution can occur when a child or young adult discovers that they can get gifts, money or special treatment because of allowing sexual behaviour. This can come from older adults or even from people they may date.

🔻I can get my boyfriend to spend money on me if I allow him to touch me in certain places.
🔻My uncle will buy me anything just because I let him kiss me.
🔻My father brings me gifts after he has had sex with me.

As they grow up, under the right circumstances, these areas of sexual imprinting can blossom into full blown prostitution.

Prostitution is also very highly connected to alcohol and drug addiction which requires money.

Because of the addictions, they do not make good employees. They are unable to keep a job and make money. In order to satisfy their addiction, they resort to prostitution.

Most of the time, there is already a low self-esteem and some experiences of sexual abuse, rape, or other imprinting that has taken place.

Credits – Amanda Buys

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 25 – Sexually deviant behaviour cont’d

GROUP SEX

This can be with one or more people.

➰It can be called a “menage a trios”, a three-some. It can be called swinging, where people exchange partners. There are actual swinger clubs where people just go to have sex with other people.

➰Another name is orgy. This is when a number of people are involved with different sexual acts all at the same time.

Group sex can be a result of imprinting but usually it stems more out of sexual addiction. Just like a drug addict keeps looking for a higher high and needs more and more stimulation, a sex addict also becomes satiated and needs more and more unusual sexual behaviour to satisfy the addiction.

Finally, sex with just one person is not stimulating enough anymore; they need sex with more people and need the thrill of other people watching them. Part of the excitement is the fantasy that takes place.

Some people who visit sex clubs literally create false identities. They are no longer themselves; they are this other exciting person they have created. It causes them to feel more powerful sexually.

In dealing with issues of group sex, there will still be roots of sexual imprinting that will need to be uncovered:

✖️How did sex get tied to their sense of self-worth or become their ability to escape life around them?

✖️There will still be imprinting issues.

However, usually it won’t be from a first time experience of group sex.

↘️Also, it can be imprinted through experience with pornography displaying group sex.

↘️Sometimes also, young boys will get together and masturbate in a group. This can later lead to a need to display their sexuality to others in order to feel sexually excited.

VOYEURISM

This is the desire to watch others when they are not aware of it.

It may be the desire to see someone undress, go to the bathroom, take a shower or bath, have sex, or simply watch them when they are unaware. It is often accompanied by masturbation.

Usually, it is connected with childhood imprinting. As they were becoming aware sexually, something caused them to become sexually excited while watching someone else:

⏩Maybe they watched the babysitter and the boyfriend make out when they thought they were sleeping.

⏩Maybe they caught glimpses of their sisters in the bathroom.

⏩Maybe they saw their mom and dad undressing or having sex.

⏩Maybe they saw the neighbor lady undressing and getting ready for bed. Sexual arousal happened and sexual imprinting took place.

Now couple this with insecurity and fear of rejection and you have the right soil for voyeurism to take root.

Voyeurism tends to affect men more than women. One of the reasons is that men tend to need more visual stimulation sexually than women – Women need more emotional stimulation.

The need for visual stimulation is the perfect set up for voyeurism.

Credits – Amanda Buys