RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 26 – Sexually deviant behaviour cont’d


As we look at these sexual deviant behaviours, the most important thing is to give us an understanding of how sexual imprinting plays a part in these behaviours. Let’s discuss prostitution.

Prostitution is the selling of yourself sexually to another person. I want to take a moment here and digress.

I have found that the spirit of harlotry is actually at the root of many marriages. I have said that there are more married prostitutes than those walking the streets.

These are the women who have sold themselves in to a marriage for what they could get out of it. Maybe it was security, money, position or possessions. Whatever it was, they sold themselves sexually for it. They just tried to legitimize it through marriage.

Here are some issues you find when harlotry is at the foundation of a marriage.

⏭First of all, the wife is never satisfied. No matter how much money, how much security, how much clothes, jewelry, etc.; it is never enough.
After all, how much do you need to sell yourself for? What are you worth? The man will always feel used and unappreciated. They tend to keep giving to hold the marriage together but become even more and more resentful.

⏭Sometimes they will end up having an affair with someone they feel just loves them for themselves and not what they can give them. Again this can be healed and restored once it is recognized.

Many times these things happen before we are Christians. Now we are Christians and our marriage is in a mess. God wants to put it on a right foundation and pull the harlotry out from it. It must be repented of.

The woman must become honest with herself, her husband and the Lord and repent for selling herself or trading herself in the marriage. The man must repent for agreeing to the terms.

Usually deep down inside, he already knows he bought her. Now he must admit it to himself, to her and to the Lord. I have seen wonderful things happen in marriages when God put this area on a right foundation.

Areas of imprinting that can take place which would lead to normal prostitution can occur when a child or young adult discovers that they can get gifts, money or special treatment because of allowing sexual behaviour. This can come from older adults or even from people they may date.

🔻I can get my boyfriend to spend money on me if I allow him to touch me in certain places.
🔻My uncle will buy me anything just because I let him kiss me.
🔻My father brings me gifts after he has had sex with me.

As they grow up, under the right circumstances, these areas of sexual imprinting can blossom into full blown prostitution.

Prostitution is also very highly connected to alcohol and drug addiction which requires money.

Because of the addictions, they do not make good employees. They are unable to keep a job and make money. In order to satisfy their addiction, they resort to prostitution.

Most of the time, there is already a low self-esteem and some experiences of sexual abuse, rape, or other imprinting that has taken place.

Credits – Amanda Buys


RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 25 – Sexually deviant behaviour cont’d


This can be with one or more people.

➰It can be called a “menage a trios”, a three-some. It can be called swinging, where people exchange partners. There are actual swinger clubs where people just go to have sex with other people.

➰Another name is orgy. This is when a number of people are involved with different sexual acts all at the same time.

Group sex can be a result of imprinting but usually it stems more out of sexual addiction. Just like a drug addict keeps looking for a higher high and needs more and more stimulation, a sex addict also becomes satiated and needs more and more unusual sexual behaviour to satisfy the addiction.

Finally, sex with just one person is not stimulating enough anymore; they need sex with more people and need the thrill of other people watching them. Part of the excitement is the fantasy that takes place.

Some people who visit sex clubs literally create false identities. They are no longer themselves; they are this other exciting person they have created. It causes them to feel more powerful sexually.

In dealing with issues of group sex, there will still be roots of sexual imprinting that will need to be uncovered:

✖️How did sex get tied to their sense of self-worth or become their ability to escape life around them?

✖️There will still be imprinting issues.

However, usually it won’t be from a first time experience of group sex.

↘️Also, it can be imprinted through experience with pornography displaying group sex.

↘️Sometimes also, young boys will get together and masturbate in a group. This can later lead to a need to display their sexuality to others in order to feel sexually excited.


This is the desire to watch others when they are not aware of it.

It may be the desire to see someone undress, go to the bathroom, take a shower or bath, have sex, or simply watch them when they are unaware. It is often accompanied by masturbation.

Usually, it is connected with childhood imprinting. As they were becoming aware sexually, something caused them to become sexually excited while watching someone else:

⏩Maybe they watched the babysitter and the boyfriend make out when they thought they were sleeping.

⏩Maybe they caught glimpses of their sisters in the bathroom.

⏩Maybe they saw their mom and dad undressing or having sex.

⏩Maybe they saw the neighbor lady undressing and getting ready for bed. Sexual arousal happened and sexual imprinting took place.

Now couple this with insecurity and fear of rejection and you have the right soil for voyeurism to take root.

Voyeurism tends to affect men more than women. One of the reasons is that men tend to need more visual stimulation sexually than women – Women need more emotional stimulation.

The need for visual stimulation is the perfect set up for voyeurism.

Credits – Amanda Buys

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 24 – Sexually deviant behaviour cont’d


Pornography also creates sexual imprinting. It creates desires for certain body types, for perverted sexual practices and usually leads to fantasy and masturbation.

So let’s talk about pornography.

What is it? Pornography is anything that you can visually see either in magazines, books, movies, videos, on the internet, or computer games that depict other people in a sexual nature.

It can be simply showing nakedness or other people involved in sexual acts. It can also be what you hear through things like music, movies or videos.

Pornography allows you to be sexually stimulated without the responsibilities or risks of relationship.

A center-fold in a magazine or newspaper cannot reject you. Watching a video scene does not take any effort on your part. Relationship and intimacy takes work, sacrifice, commitment andcommunication. All of these can be avoided through the use of pornography. Usually at the root of pornography issues, you will also find issues with intimacy and a fear of rejection.

Most pornography is done with models and actors. The people have been air brushed or made up. Special lighting is used. Because they are hired, they can select only the most beautiful or the most handsome.

Pornography can create dissatisfaction with the reality of life. Most bodies are not that perfect. No one looks that good all the time. People who have been imprinted sexually with pornography are usually never happy and satisfied in a normal covenant sexual relationship unless they are healed.

Also, pornography many times depicts perverted sexual acts. It creates sexual imprinting and desires that makes our marriage partner uncomfortable. Many times people go outside of the marriage relationship to have their sexual needs met, because they have perverted needs from pornographic imprinting in their lives.

Right now internet pornography is rampant. The reason is there is less of a fear of being caught. If you have to buy a magazine or go to a strip bar, there is a risk of being seen. In the privacy of my home office, I minimize the risk of being discovered.

Most internet pornography is owned and operated by the Mafia.
The Mafia is controlled by major spirits of lawlessness, greed, control, addictions, and perversion. You are bowing down to those spirits when you participate with Internet pornography.

If you are having problems with internet pornography, it is important to get protection programs on your computer at work and at home that can stop access to pornography sites.

Make sure someone else installs it and knows the password. Don’t just put it on and have the ability to bypass it.

It is a lie to say I can look at pornography now but when I get married I will stop. It will still affect you.

You will either keep looking at it and hide it because of your shame or you will be frustrated and resentful that your covenant relationship is not meeting those wrong desires that are in you. Either way it will produce bad fruit in your relationship.

In dealing with sexual sins, I always pray for the impartation of the fear of the Lord.

Men must have the revelation that whether it is a picture, a video or a live woman, they are violating one of God’s daughters.

Now the woman may not have the revelation that she is a daughter of the King but that makes her no less of one in the Lord’s eyes. We serve a jealous God. How would you as a father want your daughter to be treated? How much more would the Lord want you to respect all women.

I declare right now that the fear of the Lord would rest upon you. 

Regardless of the woman’s own exploitation of herself, godly men have a responsibility to cover and protect these women by not using them for their own sexual needs.

Many times we repent because we have hurt our spouse,  sinned  before God, but it also needs to come because of the people we have exploited.

They may have only been a center-fold in a magazine to you at the time, but they have to become a person in order for you stop acting out.

I can just see Jesus taking a cloth and covering that young woman. May God have mercy on you for doing that exact opposite.

If you have been imprinted by masturbation or pornography or any of the other topics discussed in any of these posts,  make sure you walk through the ministry processes coming up later in this series.

Credits – Amanda Buys

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 23 – Sexually deviant behaviour cont’d

First of all what is it?
It’s when you stimulate yourself physically to the point of orgasm.

Is it sin? Many people argue whether masturbation is sin or not because it is not specifically mentioned in the Bible.

It’s easy to tell.
✔️Do you feel ashamed?
✔️Is it something you would be comfortable sharing in front of your church?
✔️Do you really want your co workers to know?
✔️If it’s okay, then why do you go to such great lengths to cover it up?

Because deep down, you are ashamed, no matter how hard you try to tell yourself that it is okay. Shame is always the result of sin and masturbation is accompanied by shame.

Whenever we are ashamed of something, we will hide it and do it in secret. That’s a pretty good indicator that masturbation is sin. Even in marriage, most people hide it from their husband or wife because they know it is wrong.

There are several reasons why you should avoid masturbating. One of the reasons is that it can become addicting. Because it brings a physical release and even releases chemicals in the brain, you can find your desire to do it increasing. After a while, whenever you feel upset or tense, you will find a desire to masturbate. We will talk more about sexual addiction in the subsequent posts.

Most teenagers think that they can masturbate and when they get married they will just stop. That is a lie. Many adults still struggle with masturbation in their marriage. It is how they were sexually imprinted and until that imprinting is cleansed that desire is there.

If it becomes an addiction as a teenager, whenever circumstances are tense or upsetting, you will have a desire to masturbate even if you are having regular sexual intercourse with your husband or wife.

How does masturbation hurt marriage?
☑️It causes your partner to feel like they are not enough. It makes them feel that something is wrong with them and creates feelings of rejection.
☑️Also, the Word of God tells us not to withhold our bodies from each other unless agreed upon for a time of fasting. Masturbation allows us to get mad and stay mad at each other because we can meet our sexual needs on our own.
When masturbation is not an option, then we have to forgive each other and make up because we need each other. Masturbation says, “I really don’t need you.”

I [Amanda Buys] have ministered to people who discovered their spouses masturbating on their honeymoon. They were devastated.

Can you imagine how that would feel? Can you imagine how the marriage started off? Please do not lie to yourself and say that your masturbation does not affect your spouse.

That simply is not true. You are perverting sexual energy. It is also a reflection of other issues in your life – self-centeredness, narcissism, immaturity, and control issues usually go hand and hand with a masturbation addiction.

Credits – Amanda Buys

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 22 – Sexually deviant behaviour cont’d

Moving on…….


Many victims of rape end up in degrading relationships, re-creating the rape over and over.

Or they use alcohol and drugs and put themselves in a state where they do not have self control.  Through the effects of drugs and alcohol, they re-create the rape.

Because of the sexual imprinting they continue to seek relationships and situations where they are over-powered.

They are unable to say “no”.

You may wonder why anyone on earth would want to do that. The power of sexual imprinting is very strong. Healing must take place, boundaries must be restored, they must take back their “no” which was stolen from them, their value has to be redeemed.

Once again there are different levels of imprinting and subsequently different levels of ministry. Nonetheless All rape is a violation at the deepest level.

But there will be a difference:
🔹if the individual was a virgin and it was there first time experience;
🔹if they have had good healthy sex within the boundaries of marriage and then experienced rape;
🔹if the rape was by someone they knew or by a stranger;
🔹if it was date rape;
🔹if there was other violence involved; etc.

Rape victims have to deal with the *feeling of being unprotected by God – Where was He? Why didn’t He intervene?

At times they deal with false guilt:
▪️Did I do anything to bring it on?
▪️Was it what I was wearing?
▪️Why was I so stupid to open the door?

If they proceed through legal processes, they may have frustration and anger at the legal system.
🔸Why did they get off so easy?
🔸I’m the one who was raped and yet it feels like I’m the one on trial.
🔸What about their release day, from that day on, I’ll know they are still out there.

Besides areas of sexual imprinting, there are areas of fear, anger, frustration and other emotional areas that will need ministry.

As in the area of sexual abuse, a spouse must be very understanding and allow healing to come before requiring them to immediately re-enter into a sexual relationship.

You can’t look at it as rejection, if your spouse just had surgery, would you jump on the hospital bed and demand sex? Well, maybe if you were a sex addict, but not normally. You would allow time for healing.

Credits – Amanda Buys

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 21 – Sexually deviant behaviour cont’d

And the learning continues……..


Fetishes are a result of sexual stimulation being connected to an object. 

Here is an example; a mother is always running around in her slip or maybe in her bra and panties.

She doesn’t realize it but her son is becoming more sexually aware. He begins to become sexually stimulated. As an adult, he has a lingerie fetish. It can be from the degree that he just likes to be stimulated by looking at lingerie ads to the degree that he is breaking into women’s homes to steal their lingerie so he can masturbate with it.

There will be other issues which play into the degree of the fetish and the sexual imprinting.

People can have fetishes with certain body parts. Feet are a very common body part fetish.

Here is another example, a woman has a facial hair fetish. Facial hair on men arouses her.
She is not attracted to men without it. She needs to be able to touch or feel facial hair to be aroused sexually. She was molested by a father. He had a beard that he would rub it against her vagina. She was so young, she doesn’t even have memory of it, but the sexual imprinting still created a fetish.

I [Amanda Buys] have ministered to several people with food fetishes. Certain foods were connected to their sexual imprinting. Sight or smell of those foods could create sexual stimulation. Sometimes the person needed to have food as a part of their sexual experience to feel stimulated.

The Lord will help identify the roots of fetishes and perversion. Many times the people are unaware but the Lord knows exactly how and when the imprinting happened.



It is sexual activity with animals. It is addressed in Leviticus 18:23. The Lord tells us that we are not to mate with an animal because it defiles us and it is perversion. Many times you find bestiality in family lines where there was animal sacrifice, major sins of the occult, or nature worship. They will need deliverance of an animal spirit.

Sometimes their children will act more like animals than children. They will be totally out of control and animalistic in their behaviours. Sometimes it is just the result of a lack of discipline but it can be the sin of bestiality in the family line.

It can happen in families that were raised in very isolated farm life to ones living in a city apartment with a pet.

Once again sexual imprinting created by sex with animals will create a desire for that experience.

Some people, as they become adults try to avoid the behaviour, but embrace  pornography that portrays bestiality to satisfy the desire. Others will just give into the desire and may even force their partner to participate in the perversion.

It is an extremely devastating experience for a person to have been forced to participate in bestiality. Their sense of shame and unworthiness is tremendous.

They usually have extreme self anger and self loathing because they allowed themselves to be put in that position. Shame is a great barrier whenever you deal with bestiality but it becomes even greater when the person participated against their will.

Credits – Amanda Buys

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 20 – Sexually deviant behaviour cont’d

Some more…….

Pedophilia usually has two main roots:
1. Sexual imprinting with other children as a child or molestation by an adult;
2. Stunted emotional development.

They are insecure around adults. They are more comfortable around children. This is a very difficult issue to minister to because of the retarded emotional development. Because of it, they are selfish, impulsive, and lack self-control. They are unable to understand long term consequences.

Not only does the sexual imprinting have to be ministered to, God has to release maturity either supernaturally or through process. Without it, they will continue to desire having their sexual and emotional needs met through children.

This is a rampant sin throughout the world and it is destroying children. They are being exploited, even kidnapped and sold to meet this perverted desire. We must press in to God for the faith and power to see healing come in this area.

Pedophilia has basically been determined to be incurable in the world’s eye. They really have no hope for real freedom for these people. Basically, they must stay incarcerated if convicted and afterwards their presence always has to be known in a community.

This is a form of protection but does not offer hope to the pedophile. I believe there is freedom in Christ but because of both the sexual and emotional components, it can be a lot of work. While they are in a ministry process, they need to be highly accountable.

Their actual protection is people in their lives knowing. It holds them more accountable.

To protect our children in a church setting, if we have a pedophile with a known history, we need to make that known to church leadership and to parents with children.
🔷They should have no ministry contact with children.
🔷They should not help in children or youth ministry.
🔷They should not be allowed to buy children special gifts.
🔷They should never be left alone with children. They must know that their behaviour around the children will be closely monitored.

If it is presented in a proper way, the church membership should still be able to receive them in love as they walk out their restoration.

It needs to be explained in such a way that the pedophile understands that this is for their protection and for the protection of the children in the church. If they are truly in the process of restoration, they will understand and submit to these guidelines. We will look at how to protect our children later in this series.

Credits – Amanda Buys