There are FIVE things that can happen to a child that will cause ARRESTED development. A child can be traumatized through (in order of severity):
1. Rejection.
2. Incest.
3. Molestation.
4. Emotional Abuse
5. Physical Abuse

What do we DO when we are in PAIN? Many people will medicate to regulate!

Being ADDICTED to people.
We tend to think of ADDICTIVE behaviours as only for substances or OBSESSIONS. But we CAN, and often are, DEPENDENT on SPOUSES, family, friends, and OTHERS in an UN-GODLY way … we are CO-DEPENDENT on that person!

Though we are called to live in FAMILY and COMMUNITY, we must be CAREFUL not to become UNBALANCED. Due to our HURTS and PAIN β€” people, even our SPOUSES, are NOT to become our crutches in coping with our PAIN!

πŸ₯€LOW self-esteem.
πŸ₯€PEOPLE-PLEASER β€” need others to like them, afraid of REJECTION.
πŸ₯€Poor BOUNDARIES β€” can’t say NO!
πŸ₯€REACTIVE and DEFENSIVE β€” often a result of having poor boundaries.
πŸ₯€OVER-CARING, to the point of giving up yourself and putting others’ need over your own.
πŸ₯€CONTROLLING coupled with FEAR β€” needing to always stay in CONTROL of their life and emotions.
πŸ₯€DYSFUNCTIONAL COMMUNICATION β€” difficulty communicating their thoughts, feelings, and needs.
πŸ₯€SHAME-BASED and afraid to be VULNERABLE.
πŸ₯€OBSESSIVE β€” tend to spend lots of time thinking about people or relationships, especially if you think you’ve made a β€œMISTAKE”.

Co-dependency is especially dangerous in ABUSIVE relationships. This is often one of the MAIN REASONS the person stays in the relationship. ABUSIVE relationships can also be in MINISTRY β€” people can become CO-DEPENDENT on those in the Church/BODY … we NEED healing in order to have GODLY relationships that are LIFE-GIVING!

REJECTION β€” the number ONE trauma we ALL face!
Rejection is WORSE than terminal CANCER. Terminal CANCER has an END DATE. There is CLOSURE … we (especially WOMEN) are better able to handle CLOSURE than OPEN-ended situations. Death is closure.

REJECTION is open-ended and has no CLOSURE.

It stems from our CHILDHOOD. The immediate response to our boundaries being violated in childhood brings us to a point in our spirits and in our subconscious minds that I know, that I know, that I know, that I am dirty, damaged, and different β€” and I feel that everybody around me knows it too!

With that in my subconscious mind, I set myself up for the potential of being rejected because something was wrong with me that has caused this to happen to me.
We can trace the intense fear of rejection to our childhood β€” something that happened in our childhood β€” the messages that we heard β€” the things that happened to us β€” the traumas β€” things we were told by parents, peer groups, brothers and sisters, and so forth.

Credits – Amanda Buys


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