Picking up from the previous post………
Sexual abuse victims have to walk through forgiveness in FIVE main areas:
🛑The PERPETRATOR (the individual/s who abused them).
🛑The PROTECTORS (those that should have known or protected them).
🛑SELF — often they are mad at themselves that they didn’t fight back, or maybe their bodies responded to it and they are angry at themselves).
🛑GOD — even though we are not in a position to forgive GOD, often people have to recognize they have been angry with GOD, for instance, “GOD, why didn’t You stop it? ”
“How could You let that happen to me? ” “Where were You GOD? Why didn’t You answer my prayers?” They have to REPENT for their anger towards GOD and release their unforgiveness.
🛑RE-VICTIMIZERS — those that have re-victimized them because they minimized the abuse and didn’t believe them.
BOUNDARIES and sexual abuse.
Whenever a child has been VIOLATED sexually, their sexual boundaries have been BROKEN down. This often affects their ability to have HEALTHY boundaries in other areas. Their “NO” has been taken away from them.
Whenever a person has had their boundaries VIOLATED and BROKEN as a child, one of TWO things will occur:
❤️Either they will become a person with WALLS. They will have difficulty letting anyone come in to their life.
❤️Or they will have NO boundaries whatsoever. ANYTHING can come in at any time, good or bad.
Healthy boundaries give us the ABILITY to allow certain things to come in to our lives that are GOOD for us, along with the ability to say “NO” to other things.
FRIGIDITY is an example of walls. Nothing can come IN. PROMISCUITY is an example of NO boundaries, anything can come in.
The sexually abused victim will have to restore both their ability to have healthy boundaries, and the boundary lines themselves.
HEALTHY boundaries. What are boundaries?
✅These are invisible PROPERTY lines that define your responsibility. GOD is in the circle with you and HE can help you.
✅They are the BASIS of personal identity, and DEFINE what is me and what is NOT me.
✅Defines where I STOP and others start.
✅Determines WHO I AM and for what I am responsible for – MY emotions, MY spirit, MY attitude, MY needs, MY motivations, MY behavior, MY choices and consequences, MY thoughts, MY feelings, MY dreams and goals, MY sexuality, MY beliefs, MY fears, MY opinions, MY interests and abilities.
How do you develop healthy boundaries?
Start with YOUR circle. You don’t have to wait on anyone else.
❇️FREEDOM comes from taking responsibility. BONDAGE and slavery comes from giving it away. You can’t make anyone else CHANGE, you can ONLY change yourself. You can only grow so that their behaviour no longer works on you.
❇️SHIFT from control to influence.
OWN your emotions. You are NEVER just angry. You are always angry ABOUT something. When we are HURT, we use anger to defend ourselves. Anger is a secondary, defensive emotion. Hurt is a VULNERABLE emotion. We must be careful of a victim mindset.
VICTIM mindset says: “Why do they keep doing this to ME?” The truth is, they are not the ones who keep doing it to you. They keep doing it to you because you LET them.
How do you test if you are acting out of a “victim mindset”?
🌻Determine whether the SOURCE of your problem is outside of you, and you are helpless, or if the source is truly from others’ actions.
🌻LEARN to be sensitive to how you SAY things so that you HONOR boundaries. Use “I” statements, NOT “you” statements.
“YOU make me mad, sad, glad …”
“YOU should …”
“I don’t want to tell you what you should do because that then makes ME responsible ”
The correct way would be: “You might want to consider this …”
Credits – Amanda Buys