Steps from friendship to MARRIAGE


Moving on……..

  1. Relationship
    There are also FOUR progressive stages of RELATIONSHIP.
    A) ALONE Time
    When we are in a CLOSE friendship there needs to be a time of ME-to-ME relationship. It is important to spend some time alone. What issues do I have that I need to work on alone that would create havoc, if we pursued a more intimate friendship?

B) GROUP Time
Nobody is really pairing at this point in time, we are close friends. I am really interested in this person, but let’s get out and do some group activities, and see how the friend reacts and how I react in the group. For EXAMPLE, social skills, jealousy, and so forth.

C) Group with a PRIMARY
This is where we pair within the group. This is a safe way to COURT; it has no pressure and yet we are starting the pairing process.

D) Exclusive ONE-to-ONE RELATIONSHIP
We officially COURT and get to know each other more CLOSELY. To understand what LOVE is, one must ask…….. Do I want to INVEST myself in this person?
At this stage, the WOMAN is starting to feel SAFE, and there is EMOTIONAL bonding.

4. LOVE
The couple needs to DEFINE LOVE. Love is giving EVERYTHING, expecting NOTHING in return, and being SATISFIED that there is a JOY in GIVING rather than receiving UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. BOTH give 100% of each other. This will lead to a WONDERFUL loving and CARING relationship for a LONG LIFE together.

Love means:
NO EXPECTATIONS,
✅Being flexible;  CARING enough to not OVERRIDE and control each other,
✅Not expecting anything in RETURN,
✅Overall GIVING, like the example of our MESSIAH.
Jesus gave, even though He knew we would REJECT HIM. What He gave was FREELY given with NO CONDITIONS.

When two people come TOGETHER and they have built the building blocks of relationship and understand what TRUE LOVE really is, they will be founded on THE ROCK for a future life together.

The CLEAREST definition of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is in 1st Corinthians 13.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
4 Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, 5 never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong.
6 It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out.
7 If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.
8 All the special gifts and powers from God will someday come to an end, but love goes on forever.

After understanding what LOVE is, the couple will then make a DECISION if they will continue with their relationship and go towards MARRIAGE.

If both AGREE then the NEXT step is … More intimate courtship.
This is the time to begin to build your EMOTIONAL and SPIRITUAL intimacy while still saving your physical intimacy for AFTER Covenant. It’s a time to get to KNOW each other and to get to KNOW each other’s family and friends at a more INTIMATE level.

If you make the decision NOT to date because of its dangers, and to instead COURT, it will be one of the BEST decisions that you will ever make  You will PROTECT yourself and save yourself physically, emotionally, sexually, and spiritually for your COVENANT mate. So get a GOOD SUPPORT SYSTEM of friends and people who will PRAY for you and ENCOURAGE you in your decision.

Also, know that because this is GOD’s Way and not the world’s way, He will SUPPORT you with His Grace and Love. If you get tempted, call upon the POWER of His Holy Spirit and He WILL answer you.

5. ENGAGEMENT
From the time of the proposal, up to the date of the wedding, is the time for the couple to develop the relationship more DEEPLY, and to discuss important relationship guidelines like:
❇️How are we going to handle ANGER?
❇️Our MONEY?
❇️Raising CHILDREN?

During engagement, communication is VERY OPEN. INTENSE emotional bonding develops during this stage, where the man is to learn to bond EMOTIONALLY with the young lady and be NON-SEXUAL. This is where she finds her VALUE in how HE values her.

The man is to show how much he thinks of her, to value her in a NON-SEXUAL way, so that when they are INTIMATE in marriage, she is READY and will be COMFORTABLE in making love, because she will know it is not about how she LOOKS … its about who she IS.

The ENGAGEMENT period should be no longer than a year is an ideal period.

Credits – Amanda Buys

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