RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 44 -Ministering to the Sexually Wounded


There are times when someone needs outside help………

If you are called to minister to the sexually wounded, here are a few things that may be helpful.

🌹First of all, please understand there is never an “always”.

People are all so different; some are more sensitive; their personalities are different, etc. Other circumstances might also play into it.

We might have suffered from one incident of sexual molestation but otherwise were raised in a very loving, supportive home.

We may have suffered from sexual abuse, along with physical and emotional abuse; the damage will be much more severe. Those other areas will also have to be ministered to as well. Through the workbook, I have just shared some normal responses.

One of the most reassuring things for a person is to find out that their strange behaviours or feelings are normal because abnormal things happened to them.

It may not be normal for someone who has had their sexuality protected and has had no sexual damage. But for someone who has been sexually violated, their behaviour is normal. We call it normalizing the symptoms.

Many times people feel that they are crazy, out of control, something is really wrong with them.

Just finding out that there are a lot of other people with the same symptoms helps.

🌹Be very sensitive when it comes to boundaries, especially physical ones. Ask if it’s okay for you to lay hands on them and pray for them. Get permission to hug them. Remember, we are there to help restore healthy boundaries.

🌹Be careful and respectful as you go through their sexual history.

We look at the generations;

What known sexual sin or occult activity has there been?

Ask questions to jog their memory:
🌷Did Dad or anyone else ever have pornography around the house?
🌷Was there any talk of grandpa or anyone else in your lineage being unfaithful?
🌷Was mom open or closed about sexual issues?

Ask the Holy Spirit, to lead you as you ask the questions.

I [Amanda] interview their lives from birth until present just related to sexual history.

🌹Don’t just fire off questions like an interrogator. Weave them into the conversation. Let them know that some of the questions might be difficult. Use wisdom and grace as you get the information you will need to minister to them.

Here are just a few sample questions (answers to certain questions often will lead to other questions, a good interview will actually create questioning as it goes):
🌻What do you feel is your first sexual memory?
🌻Did you ever see your parents express affection to each other? How?
🌻Did you play doctor or explore physically with other children?
🌻How old were you?
🌻If so, did you ever get in trouble?
🌻How did it make you feel?
🌻Were you ever sexually abused or molested as a child or teenager?
🌻Did anyone else ever touch you inappropriately during elementary school ages?
🌻Were you exposed to pornography? At what age?
🌻Did you ever masturbate? At what age? How often? Did the frequency increase? What about now?
🌻Did your parents discuss sex with you?
🌻How did you learn about sex?
🌻When were you first attracted to the opposite sex?
🌻What were your sexual experiences in high school?
🌻Who did you first have intercourse with and what were the circumstances?
🌻Did anyone ever reject you sexually?
🌻Did you have sex before marriage?
🌻How was your honeymoon night?
🌻How has sex been in your marriage?
🌻What is the average frequency now?
🌻Have you ever committed adultery?
🌻Have you ever had an abortion?
🌻Have you ever had problems with impotency or premature ejaculation?
🌻Are you able to have an orgasm?

🌹Sometimes you may have to explore a certain subject in much greater detail in order to minister to it. Let’s say it comes out in an interview that there was same sex contact in high school.

There will be different levels of ministry if that sexual contact was mutual masturbation, oral sex or sodomy.
They may say that they had an incestuous relationship with their brother. You may assume that was intercourse. You may have assumed wrong.
Ask the questions. You may discover it was touching each others’ genitals, there was no intercourse. That’s a difference.

🌹You will have to ask the questions to get the answers. You must get totally comfortable asking details. If you are relaxed and not embarrassed and ask in a professional manner, they will also be more comfortable.

If you are not yet comfortable, I encourage ministers and counselors, to practice saying sexual words and to role play interview questions.

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