RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 13 – Help! I’m Married to a Sexual Abuse Victim! Cont’d…


A little bit more🙂……..

Now he must work very hard to give her extra attention and affection that is not sexual in nature. If her hand was broken, he would have to give her special attention. He would have to help her do certain things. There would be some things he could not require her to do.

Her sexuality is broken; sensitivity is required in the healing process. But don’t be afraid, it won’t take forever. Many times, men are amazed as they minister to their wives who are sensitive in this area at how quick their wives’ healing can come. Again, she must also be in pursuit of restoration in this area.

🎵Also, in helping to restore boundaries, it’s good for a husband to ask, “Is it okay if I hug you? Is it okay if I kiss you?, etc.”

🎵Give her permission to say “no” without you feeling rejected. She will want to test you to see if you really mean it. Could you really love her that much? You will be surprised at how quick her “no” turns to “yes” when you really give her the right to use her “no” back to her. If you say, “I just want to hold you.”

🎵Even if you become aroused, restrain yourself. Basic trust is being reestablished. If you tell her that and then press for sex, she will feel like you deceived her and trust will be damaged.

I’m not going to lie to you, this takes work and patience.

But you have made covenant, you will be living with this woman for the rest of your life. You have a choice to either participate in her healing or to continue to re-victimize her.

No, you didn’t cause it. No, you didn’t do it to her. But you have the honor of participating with the Lord in her restoration and because of it; you will have, not just her body, but her heart. You also have to be a safe place for her to talk.

🎵You have to, ask some questions to show that you are really interested without pressing for details and information that she may not be ready to share. You can’t get over angry, especially if the perpetrator is a family member or friend of the family.

She will be afraid of what you might do. You have to show some hurt and anger over what has happened to her to show you care. But you must temper it – don’t over react because she won’t open up if she thinks you might make a scene or hurt someone.

🎵You may have to hear some painful details. Talking helps to cleanse the wound.

In the natural, all of the pus and infected area must be cleaned out of a wound for it to heal properly. In the spirit and soul realm, talking and releasing emotions helps cleanse our wounds.

God once spoke to me [Amanda Buys] and said that He had called me to be a “scab puller” in the Kingdom of God. My first thought was, “That doesn’t sound very pretty!”

Then He began to show me that our inner and outer man is the same. When we have a deep wound that doesn’t heal properly, it scabs over. It creates hardness of heart; there is not normal sensitivity. We may be able to go on with life, we are not bleeding and oozing all over the place, but it’s still not normal. No one likes to pull their own scabs.

But for healing to come, that scab must be removed and the wound must be cleaned out. Then it must be covered. In the spirit/soul realm, we cover the wounds with unconditional love and the Word of God until the fullness of healing takes place.

🎵Do more study on the topic. It will show her you are interested and will help you become better equipped.

Yes, marriage takes some work. Don’t shy away from helping your wife or husband, if the roles change. There is beauty in all this.

Now, on to our last portion of this, before we embark on other issues in sexuality……

Credits – Amanda Buys

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