RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 12 – Help! I’m Married to a Sexual Abuse Victim! Cont’d…


Picking up from the last post……..

God has fashioned us in an interesting way.

The key to unlock a woman’s body is her emotions and the key to unlock a man’s emotions is through his body.

In other words, for a woman to be able to fully give herself to a man she must feel emotionally connected and cared for. For a man to be able to let down his emotional walls and become truly intimate, he needs to connect physically to a woman. When it interlocks, it is a perfect fit.

The woman giving to the man physically releases him to give to her emotionally and the man giving to the woman emotionally releases her to give to him physically. However, when one of the components is missing, you have a mess. Things just don’t work.

When a woman is unable to have sex with her husband, she will find him becoming more and more shut down emotionally. When a man is unable to connect emotionally with his wife, he will find her becoming less and less responsive sexually. Then you have marital problems.

❗️The sexually abused wife may have also given her husband very confusing messages. On one hand there seems to be an insatiable need for affection. She wants to be hugged and held but then when he becomes sexually aroused. She’s angry. She says things like, “Why can’t you just love me? All you want from me is sex. ” He’s confused; it feels pretty normal to him to desire his wife.

Here’s what is happening.

The little girl inside who never had a chance to grow up because of wounding is saying, “I need love without sex. Can’t someone just love me unconditionally?

I needed safe hugs from my grandfather, father, brother, cousin or uncle but they always led to touching or sex.”

Then all the boyfriends she had in high school always seemed to pressure her for sex. Now she wants affection from her husband without the demand of sex. What is he to do?

🔺First of all, she has to get the revelation of what is really going on. Her husband is not abnormal, it’s not all he wants from her but he was created by God to get physically aroused when he looks at her and touches her. In a normal situation, that is good. If he didn’t, something would be wrong with him. She has to lay down the soul battle of demanding affection which does not lead to sex.

🙂Now hold on before you get upset. You are just laying down that battle and giving it to the Lord. Yes, everyone has a right to affection that doesn’t always lead to sex. But you have fought that battle on your own from a wounded perspective.

Here is a sample prayer: “Soul, you have to surrender the battle for affection that does not lead to sex. You lost this battle as a child and you can no longer transfer it to other men. From this day forth, the battle is the Lord’s. You no longer have a right to it. Soul, you must now trust the Lord to provide the affection you need and enter into rest in this area. In Jesus Name!

Yes, I want you to talk to your soul. It’s the job of the spirit man to correct, instruct and bring transformation to our souls and bodies.

2 Corinthians 7:1 says, “Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the fresh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.”

Some ore of this in our nex5 post🙂…..

Credits – Amanda Buys

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