RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 9 – Sexual abuse cont’d


Sexual abuse victims have to walk through forgiveness in 5 main areas:

1. The Perpetrator (the individual/s who abused them)
2. The Protectors (those that should have known or protected them)
3. Self (often they are mad at themselves that they didn’t fight back, or maybe their bodiesresponded to it and they are angry at themselves)
4. God (even though we are not in a position to forgive God, often people have to recognize they have been angry with God.
‘God why didn’t You stop it?’
‘How could You let that happen to me?’
‘Where were You God, why didn’t You answer my prayers?’

They have to repent for their anger towards God and release their unforgiveness.

5. Re-victimizers (those that have re-victimized them because they minimized the abuse, didn’t believe them. A husband can re-victimize a wife by demanding sex when she has been triggered and is shut down.

He may not even know that she was sexually abused but he can still re-victimize her.

A pastor may just tell someone to get over it and get on with God. It minimizes the damage; it re-victimizes. The Bible tells us to weep with those who weep in Romans 12:15 and to comfort those who mourn in Isaiah 61:2.

Sometimes this entire process can take years. Usually the biggest hurdle is to get through forgiving the perpetrator. It’s one thing to say it. It’s another thing to have it worked into your heart.

It never hurts to start by confessing forgiveness while you allow the Lord to make your confession a reality. We will talk more about forgiveness in a later section of this series.

Often sexual abuse victims do not begin to deal with their issues until their forties and fifties. Why? Because in their early years, they have the emotional ability to keep the inner issues stuffed. They are busy with families, their jobs, their lives. They just want to forget the past.

They use all kinds of forms of medication; alcohol, prescription and non prescription drugs, work, food, religion, etc. to medicate their pain. By the time, they are in their 40’s their stuffers are worn out. They no longer have hope that their sexual lives are going to change. They can no longer keep the memories from coming up. They are tired of running from the pain.

Many people at this age are surprised. They thought the abuse really hadn’t affected them that much but now they are having flashbacks. They can no longer handle their husband or wife touching them. Because God loves them, He begins to use this time to bring healing to this area.

From the day the abuse happened, the Lord has been waiting for an opportunity to heal them from all the pain and shame.

Please understand, this is just a scenario often seen in counseling. You can get healed at any age. You don’t have to wait until your stuffer gets worn out. The Refiner’s fire is always available.

Many times we don’t get refined because we push our junk down. A refiner’s fire brings up the impurities and the garbage and the refiner skims them off. We get it mixed up.

When pain or sinful thoughts or emotions come up, we push them down and try to hide them from the Refiner.

This assignment is just a beginning there will be more ministry later.

Assignment

1. If you have been sexually abused, write down which of the 5 levels of forgiveness you have already walked through. Allow the Lord to show you the true condition of your heart.
2. Write down things that you have used to medicate your pain and how you dissociate.

Credits – Amanda Buys

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4 thoughts on “RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 9 – Sexual abuse cont’d

  1. Dear Joan. I’m dealing with a victim of sexual abuse and it’s really a tragedy to see consequences. Please read what it’s written on my blog and share it to your network if you feel so as I need some helpers to help me helping. Thank you. Ivo

    Like

    • Hello Ivo,
      I have read the story and it’s sooooo sad. I wish I could help monetarily but not able now. The best I can do is add her to my prayers.
      May God bless your big heart

      Like

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