RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 8 – Sexual abuse


Picking up from sexual damage…….

Sexual abuse and molestation of any sort is incredibly damaging to a child. It can create all sorts of symptoms from mild to severe that can last for a lifetime. One of the main things that it can create is dissociation.

This is the ability to separate oneself from a painful situation emotionally and mentally. It can happen to such degrees that people can feel themselves leave their own bodies or as in DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder, their very personalities are left fragmented and separated.

Sometimes this is known as multiple personality. Or it can take the form of television, sports, computers, anything so I don’t have to be in touch with the reality around me.

Dissociation is common whenever there has been abuse whether it is sexual, physical, verbal, emotional or mental.

In counseling you will often hear a husband say things like, “We have sex but she’s not really there.” She has dissociated. Or the wife might say, “He has sex with me but I don’t really feel like he’s making love to me, I could be anyone.” He has dissociated.

Sexual abuse or molestation is not always the reason but many times it is the hidden root. And many times people cannot even share what happened to them with their spouse. The spouse is left in the dark wondering what they are doing wrong.

Sometimes the dissociation is so great, they have dissociated from their own memories. This is called repressed memories. They have no recollection of the abuse. When God begins to bring forth His healing, many times memories will begin to come back in dreams.

Dreams are a safe place. Of course, not all dreams are actual memories. But the person will know the difference. Sometimes flashes of scenes will come back. This is usually at a time when they are feeling safe enough to begin to remember. They know the Lord is there for them. Probably, someone else is counseling or ministering to them. If the memories start to come, there will be help. It’s safe to remember.

Sexual abuse can cause frigidity, impotence, premature ejaculation, fear of male or female body parts, promiscuity, prostitution, homosexuality, homophobia etc.

It can lead to drug and alcohol addiction, eating disorders, sleep disorders, marriage problems and other personality disorders. Over the past 10 years, over 98% of the counseling and ministry I[Amanda Buys] have done has been with Christians, and a vast majority of them have issues stemming from sexual abuse.

I have said that the Church is like a bright, shiny red apple but when you put your finger inside of it, it is rotten to the core. Unless the church begins to address sexual issues, the Body will remain wounded and unhealed.

Many of the basic trust issues that plague the Body of Christ are a result of sexual abuse, molestation, rape and incest.

Trust is an essential that you must have in order to make covenant. We are not a covenant people because we are a wounded people.

We might think that this issue only affects all those bad people out there (somewhere). No, some of the abuses I have heard about were in the homes of pastors and ministers, some of it happened in the church building itself. Some of it by the most trusted people in our communities, teachers, coaches, youth pastors, doctors, grandmothers.

We as the church cannot be ignorant any longer; we must begin to protect our children and to bring healing to those who have been damaged. Later in this series, we will look at how to protect our children.

Can you imagine a child getting abused while their parents served and cleaned the church? Can you imagine a child getting abused in a sound booth while praise and worship is going on? Can you imagine a child being abused by their father who was also their pastor? Can you imagine a child being taught sexual practices by their youth pastor? These aren’t just things that are imagined, all of these and more have happened.

Now, can you imagine the spiritual and sexual distortion that this has brought? The very God they need to heal them is the very God that these people were supposedly representing.

How can they trust Him and how can they trust the people He sends into their lives to love them and to minister to them? It is not an easy job. But the Spirit of God says in:

Jeremiah 8:10-11 “From the prophet even to the priest everyone deals falsely. For they have healed the hurt of the daughter of my people slightly, saying Peace, peace! When there is no peace.”

We must be willing to do the hard work of restoring lives. We have to be honest; some things don’t get done with a three second prayer at the altar. Sometimes people need to pour out their pain, uncover their shame and have someone love them unconditionally as they do it.

Credits- Amanda Buys

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