RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 47 – Protecting Our Children

No doubt, any type of abuse is terrible, but sexual abuse is one of the most destructive. I [Amanda Buys] am thankful, my children were older before I began to do as much ministry as I have in this area.

From what I have heard, it would have been hard to let them out of my sight. So many children have been abused by trusted family members, neighbors or members of the community. Who do you trust? We must protect and educate our children.

My answer is the Lord! In this society, you must trust your God given discernment. If you sense anything or anyone makes you uncomfortable. Explore it. Watch your children. Ask them questions.

If adults or teenagers seem unnaturally interested in your children, be careful. They may begin buying them gifts or wanting to take them places a lot of times.

It takes discernment to know when someone is just reaching out to a child and if they are just luring them in to a relationship in order to molest them. I would rather error by protecting the child in these circumstances. Again, ask them questions.

Because of the condition of our society, we must begin to teach our children at a very young age that there are certain parts of their bodies that other people should not touch. We need to encourage them to tell us if anyone is touching them in those areas.

Empower their “no” let them know that it is their body and if someone touches them and they don’t like it to tell them to stop.

 Example 1:
A little 2 year old girl is asked for a hug. It is totally innocent but she says “No” and pulls away. They try to pull her towards them for a hug.

⛰As parents, we must immediately step in and say “Please respect her ‘No'” – even if it wasn’t meant to be sexual or harmful. We empower our children when we respect them.

⛰We need to watch for symptoms; a change in personality or disposition, crying when they are left in someone’s care (sometimes it is just separation anxiety). However, if their behaviour changes, be alert.

Example 2
They used to love going to grandpa’s house and now they don’t want to go. They flinch when grandpa hugs them.

🌋Watch for the signs and then ask questions. Has anybody touched them wrong? Has anybody done anything that made them feel bad or uncomfortable? Suddenly they are quieter than normal, why?

Most people I have ministered to tried to let someone know that something was happening to them. They just couldn’t do it by talking. Most of the times, they have been sworn to silence and secrecy.

Example 3
They couldn’t figure out how come Mom didn’t see or why their teachers couldn’t tell what was happening.

🌋Sometimes we don’t want to see, we are in denial or sometimes we don’t even know what to look for.

Other symptoms may be:
🎈bed wetting,
🎈physical symptoms like urinary tract infections,
🎈bleeding from the rectum,
🎈unusual rashes on their legs.

🎀If there seems to be a regression in their emotional development, ask questions.

🎀All of a sudden they have started sucking their thumb again or biting their nails. Why?

So many times parents just get caught up in trying to stop the behaviour, they don’t take time to find out why it’s there. It’s the same thing with children, get to the root and you will change the fruit.

🎀Give your children healthy, Godly physical affection so they will not have to find it in illegitimate ways. There are more promiscuous girls simply because Daddy never took the time to hug them and make them feel good about themselves. It left a hole that they keep trying to fill.

We need touch as human beings. Studies have shown that even animals left untouched do not thrive, they can even die. I have seen a lot of incest in homes where affection was not expressed. The children turn to each other for physical touch and it gets out of hand.

🎀Protect your children by monitoring what they watch on television and movies. Access to the Internet is extremely dangerous without some sort of protection programs.

Many elementary age children and teenagers are looking at pornography in the privacy of their homes. If you do not have a protection program, check the computer history or disable the computer until you are home to monitor their activity.

🎀Talk to your children about sexual issues at age appropriate times. Don’t wait for the school or their friends to do it for you.

Again because of our society, what used to be talked about at ages 14 and 15 probably needs to be discussed at age 12 and 13. You have to judge the maturity level of your child. Just don’t underestimate it.

They will find out about sex one way or another. You can control wrong messages with proper information.

🎀If you work with children in any capacity, as a teacher, youth leader, coach, etc. and see any signs of sexual abuse, ask questions. Often they are just waiting for someone to open the door. Follow proper channels as laid out by the authorities in the institution where you are working and contact the appropriate people.

IF A CHILD HAS REPORTED SEXUAL ABUSE, UNDER LAW IT MUST BE REPORTED IMMEDIATELY.

🎀We also protect our children through practicing modesty in our homes and keeping them free from pornography. I can’t tell you how many adults I have ministered to who knew exactly where their parents’ stash of pornography was.

Don’t look the other way. We have looked the other way too long. Let’s start protecting our children!

Credits – Amanda Buys

Advertisements

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 46

DEAR MINISTER, COUNSELLOR, WHATEVER YOUR DESIGNATION, YOU ALSO NEED MINISTRY!

Always continue growing. Keep reading, studying, and exploring. You never know when you will come across that perfect nugget that can be a key to someone’s healing. I have seen the Lord so faithful in that area.

I have had people give me a book and say, “I felt the Lord said I was to share this with you.” The next person that came for ministry had the very problem the book addressed. The Lord equipped me before they got there. He truly does go before us. HE IS FAITHFUL!

And above all else, press in to your own healing and deliverance. I have found it to be a never ending process in my own life. The more you sow in to the lives of others the more healing and deliverance you will reap. It should be a way of life. We never arrive. WE HAVE TO POSSESS BEFORE WE CAN IMPART.

🏝We can minister freedom from addictions, once we have possessed freedom.
🏝We can minister deliverance from shame, when we have been delivered.
🏝We can expose control, when our own control has been identified.
🏝We can minister the Lord’s healing power, when it has already touched our own pain.

⛺️Write down your strengths as a counselor or minister.
⛺️Write down your weaknesses.
⛺️Ask the Lord to show you how to strengthen your weaknesses.
⛺️Next, ask the Lord to show you any areas in your own life where you have felt wounded,rejected or betrayed as a result of counseling or ministering to others.
⛺️Forgive the people He shows you, pour out your complaint and then ask the Lord to touch and heal those situations.

⛺️Ask Him to reveal Himself in those memories.
Many times we can become wounded without even realizing it.
It’s always best to allow the Lord to be the One who examines you. We can become hard and calloused or oversensitive as a result of our wounding.

⛺️We have to be honest with ourselves. Sometimes, it is the very people we try to help the most, who wound us the deepest.
Just check in with the Lord every once in awhile and ask Him to show you your true condition.

⛺️Don’t ever get so spiritual that you can’t admit your pain. Spirituality doesn’t cause us not be affected by anything (that’s just numbness). It is knowing that you have a Healer and a Comforter always ready to minister to you.

⛺️Be careful that you do not minister out of your unresolved pain, rejection and anger. Go for regular “check-ups” to Dr. Jesus! Because of unresolved issues, we can come across as hard, unsympathetic and judgmental.

Ministry is not a walk in the park, but once you yield to Him, He will use you and also work on you. 

Credits – Amanda Buys

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 45 – A word to the counselor/minister

I CANNOT over estimate confidentiality related to any counseling and ministry. But it is especially important in the sexual arena.

You must provide a private setting, a place where they can feel safe. Keep any records in locked files. Just keep what is necessary.

Let them know the ministry will be confidential. It is a sacred trust for people to open the painful experiences of their lives.

Many times you will hear the words, “I have never told anyone this before.” Rejoice! It is the beginning of healing.

Trust must be established before this happens. I have found that when counseling and ministering by the Spirit of God, trust can be established in moments.

In normal counseling, it will usually take a long period of time.

God can simply give them a witness of the spirit, “You can trust this person.” That makes life easier and saves time.

Depending upon the degree of damage and the level of spiritual maturity, the healing will occur at different rates. Sometimes there are levels and then another breakthrough. Don’t take them beyond where they are ready to go or where God is leading you.

Sometimes, you may know the exact problem, but they aren’t ready to see it. Pray and intercede for the revelation to come. Count the cost before you make a commitment to their healing.

They have already had enough people fail them. You may have to set boundaries if they are really needy. That’s okay. If it’s something that you feel you don’t have enough experience in, help them find someone and be there as they are transferred.

Most of the time, I have found that the Lord won’t send someone unless He is going to equip you for the work. Even though at the time, you may feel inadequate, He is wanting to train and equip you. You have to discern the difference.

People are always afraid to face pain or to get in touch with their anger. They are afraid that if they start crying, they will never stop; if they get angry, they might hurt someone. You have to encourage them that there is a bottom to their pain.

They will find it one day as they work through their issues. You have to encourage them that they can be angry and sin not. Many people think it’s a sin to feel angry. That’s a lie. Anger is a natural expression of pain.

Just like if someone stomps our toe, we say, “Ouch! ” When we feel stomped on emotionally, we will react in anger. The main thing is to learn how to be angry and sin not. I have seen teddy bears ripped apart, pillows beat and heard people scream. They were in a safe place. They didn’t hurt anyone – The repressed anger was released.

If you are uncomfortable with their emotions, they will be uncomfortable. Don’t be scared, the Lord will be there and help you. Just bind up any demonic manifestations.

Release the Seven-Fold Spirit of God in your ministry (Isaiah Chapter 11).

🌼A man continues to commit adultery. He needs the fear of the Lord. Lay hands on him and impart and stir up the Fear of the Lord.

🌼A woman is battling fear. It always seems to overtake her. She continues to have panic attacks. She needs an impartation of the Spirit of Might.

🌼Another woman keeps saying “Why? If I only knew Why?” Declare that she is receiving an impartation of the Spirit of Understanding.

Before you know it, she will be saying, “Now I understand…”

We always need the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22); love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.

The more fruit we have the easier it is to minister.

🍪The love releases compassion which is the substance of miracles.

🍪The joy gives us strength.

🍪The longsuffering keeps us from killing the people we are ministering to (just wanted to know if you were paying attention).

🍪The faithfulness keeps us from quitting if the going gets tough, etc.

We need all of it.

Then there are the Gifts of the Spirit (1 Corinthians 12).

🎾Don’t leave home without them. I can’t tell you how many times a word of knowledge has saved the day or a word of wisdom was the perfect response.

🎾Discerning of spirits can be a tremendous asset. Gifts of healing, faith, working of miracles, what would we do without them.

🎾Many times prophecy can totally change a situation. Tongues and interpretation can bring us the answers to the mysteries we are faced with.

You have a better chance if more of the gifts are in operation. Know what gifts the Lord has given you and exercise them.

If you run into a situation and you know you need discerning of spirits but don’t feel you have that gifting, find someone who does and get their feedback.

In the natural, doctors call on specialists for their opinions all of the time, so why can’t we? I believe as we use our gifting faithfully, God will increase and add to our arsenal.

Remember the gifts of the Spirit are not for you, but to profit the Body of Christ. The Word of God tells us not to be ignorant of spiritual gifts and to desire them. They demonstrate the power and reality of God in the earth.

🏉Discern when to begin weaning the relationship. Pray for the transition. Do not allow people toget dependent on you. Your job is to teach them how to access the Lord and to appropriate whatHe has already done for them.

🏉Equip them, don’t enable them. You want them walking out knowing the Lord loves them and that He is awesome. Not that you are a great counselor or minister. Yes, they will be grateful and thankful but that is different. We cripple people when we make them dependent on us. The Lord has called us to empower people!

Credits – Amanda Buys

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 44 -Ministering to the Sexually Wounded

There are times when someone needs outside help………

If you are called to minister to the sexually wounded, here are a few things that may be helpful.

🌹First of all, please understand there is never an “always”.

People are all so different; some are more sensitive; their personalities are different, etc. Other circumstances might also play into it.

We might have suffered from one incident of sexual molestation but otherwise were raised in a very loving, supportive home.

We may have suffered from sexual abuse, along with physical and emotional abuse; the damage will be much more severe. Those other areas will also have to be ministered to as well. Through the workbook, I have just shared some normal responses.

One of the most reassuring things for a person is to find out that their strange behaviours or feelings are normal because abnormal things happened to them.

It may not be normal for someone who has had their sexuality protected and has had no sexual damage. But for someone who has been sexually violated, their behaviour is normal. We call it normalizing the symptoms.

Many times people feel that they are crazy, out of control, something is really wrong with them.

Just finding out that there are a lot of other people with the same symptoms helps.

🌹Be very sensitive when it comes to boundaries, especially physical ones. Ask if it’s okay for you to lay hands on them and pray for them. Get permission to hug them. Remember, we are there to help restore healthy boundaries.

🌹Be careful and respectful as you go through their sexual history.

We look at the generations;

What known sexual sin or occult activity has there been?

Ask questions to jog their memory:
🌷Did Dad or anyone else ever have pornography around the house?
🌷Was there any talk of grandpa or anyone else in your lineage being unfaithful?
🌷Was mom open or closed about sexual issues?

Ask the Holy Spirit, to lead you as you ask the questions.

I [Amanda] interview their lives from birth until present just related to sexual history.

🌹Don’t just fire off questions like an interrogator. Weave them into the conversation. Let them know that some of the questions might be difficult. Use wisdom and grace as you get the information you will need to minister to them.

Here are just a few sample questions (answers to certain questions often will lead to other questions, a good interview will actually create questioning as it goes):
🌻What do you feel is your first sexual memory?
🌻Did you ever see your parents express affection to each other? How?
🌻Did you play doctor or explore physically with other children?
🌻How old were you?
🌻If so, did you ever get in trouble?
🌻How did it make you feel?
🌻Were you ever sexually abused or molested as a child or teenager?
🌻Did anyone else ever touch you inappropriately during elementary school ages?
🌻Were you exposed to pornography? At what age?
🌻Did you ever masturbate? At what age? How often? Did the frequency increase? What about now?
🌻Did your parents discuss sex with you?
🌻How did you learn about sex?
🌻When were you first attracted to the opposite sex?
🌻What were your sexual experiences in high school?
🌻Who did you first have intercourse with and what were the circumstances?
🌻Did anyone ever reject you sexually?
🌻Did you have sex before marriage?
🌻How was your honeymoon night?
🌻How has sex been in your marriage?
🌻What is the average frequency now?
🌻Have you ever committed adultery?
🌻Have you ever had an abortion?
🌻Have you ever had problems with impotency or premature ejaculation?
🌻Are you able to have an orgasm?

🌹Sometimes you may have to explore a certain subject in much greater detail in order to minister to it. Let’s say it comes out in an interview that there was same sex contact in high school.

There will be different levels of ministry if that sexual contact was mutual masturbation, oral sex or sodomy.
They may say that they had an incestuous relationship with their brother. You may assume that was intercourse. You may have assumed wrong.
Ask the questions. You may discover it was touching each others’ genitals, there was no intercourse. That’s a difference.

🌹You will have to ask the questions to get the answers. You must get totally comfortable asking details. If you are relaxed and not embarrassed and ask in a professional manner, they will also be more comfortable.

If you are not yet comfortable, I encourage ministers and counselors, to practice saying sexual words and to role play interview questions.

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 43 – Ministering to sexual imprinting

In earlier posts, we looked at the effects of sexual imprinting. Now I would like to talk about ministering to that area.

While it’s not hard, only the power of God can do it. We can’t fix ourselves and we can’t fix each other. All we can do is tell God, “It’s broken.” And ask Him to fix it. That’s pretty simple.

🌲First, we need to build faith. We began that in our very first post in the series. It takes faith to access the power ofGod. He will do all things according to our faith.

We need to pray in an atmosphere of faith. You may want to worship the Lord before you pray or declare scriptures. Set an atmosphere of faith and the presence of God. Always thank the Lord for what He has done.

🌲Make sure you have forgiven EVERYONE involved. Unforgiveness can block our healingand stop us from receiving from the Lord. It doesn’t hurt to submit to one last examination by the Holy Spirit.

There is a sample prayer for sexual imprinting in the Assignment Section of this post. Don’t complicate what is simple.

The exact words are not as important as the faith and power of God to cleanse, purify, restore and make new. “Ask and ye shall receive.”

All we are doing is accessing in our sexuality what was already made ours through salvation. We are to be a new creation; all things are new; we have a right to total redemption and restoration.

Again, why would a loving God, heal other areas but leave something so essential undone? The answer is He wouldn’t.

Because of a puritan religious spirit that entered the church, we have not been able to talk to God about sexual issues, so He has been unable to answer. It is time to start talking to Him.

We need personal, family and corporate healing in this area and Jesus is our only answer.

We have seen remarkable things happen after such prayers; people who had battled homosexual desires set free, passion in marriage restored, women who have never had an orgasm have had orgasms, people have felt their virginity and sexual innocence restored, desire for masturbation or pornography has left.

Now, please understand, people really have to be sick of their sin and desire to be made free. Also, they must have deliverance.

If there are demons still there, they will create ungodly desires. If the sexual issue has turned into addiction, the issues of addiction must also be dealt with for total freedom. However, it can never hurt to pray over a person’s sexual imprinting.

I prophecy that as you are prayed for (or you are praying), the power of God will touch you and transform you. You will be cleansed and made whole. You will be able to express your sexuality with freedom. It will be a new day, old things will have passed away. You will receive revelation that your sexuality was a gift from God, a blessing, something sacred by which you can express covenant.

I decree God’s healing, redemption and restoration to your sexuality in the Name of Jesus Christ.

Assignments:

Inner Healing
After you walked out the process shared in this post related to healing, write down three major areas the Lord touched in this format:
1. The Memory
2. The Complaint (how you were damaged and how you felt)
3. How Jesus Revealed Himself

Sexual Imprinting
🎍Find someone that you know has faith in the power of God. It will probably be the same person you have been working with already.

🎍Make sure they have read the information on sexual imprinting. They need to know what they are praying for.

🎍Here is a sample prayer. It’s okay if they pray prophetically anything else the Lord shows them. Double check and make sure you have forgiven everyone who has negatively affected you in any way sexually.

Lord, I bring (Ann’s) sexuality before Your throne. I thank You that You are wiping the slate clean. Send Your fire to purify all of her desires.

I speak healing and cleansing to her mind, her memories, her emotions, her body and her spirit. I thank You Lord that You make all things new.

I now declare that Ann’s sexuality is brand new. I declare that the next time she and her husband come together, covenant will be written on her sexuality.

I speak restoration to her passion and freedom to express herself sexually. We thank You for a new beginning, Lord.

🎍If they are young and unmarried, declare that the Lord has restored their spiritual virginity.

🎍Declare that they would feel pure and undefiled on their wedding day.
Restoration is possible but it all begins with you being tired of your current. No one can force the healing on you.

Credits- Amanda Buys

RESTORING YOUR SEXUALITY 42 – Ministry cont’d

Let me give you a couple of examples:

 

The Lord brings back the memory of a young boy being molested by his teacher. He remembers the room, the smells. He forgives the teacher and pours out his complaint. Then he asks the Lord to reveal Himself.

 

He sees Jesus standing in the room with tears running down His face. Suddenly he breaks, and begins to weep, “Jesus did care, He was there all along.” If Jesus is crying, it’s okay for him to cry, too. The feelings of abandonment disappear. The bound up emotions are released.

 

-————————————————————— ——————————————————

A woman was raped. The Lord brings her back to the day it happened. She really doesn’t want to go there. She has been running from that memory for 20 years and covering it up with drugs and alcohol.

 

Today God’s grace is there to help her to get in touch with the pain and trauma. She forgives the rapist and begins to pour out her feelings. “She has been robbed of daily life. She has lived in fear. She has not been able to enjoy sex with her husband. She has felt dirty and violated.”

 

Feelings of anger, hatred and revenge come out. Now it’s time to ask the Lord to reveal Himself and to bring healing.

 

At first it’s hard. Nothing seems to be happening. The Lord reveals that she is still ashamed and does not want Him to see her in that condition.

 

She finally releases her shame to Him and asks Him to reveal Himself in the memory. Suddenly, she sees the Lord, He is pushing the rapist off of her. Now she remembers how the man heard something and ran away. “The Lord was there!”

 

And then she sees the Lord lovingly taking her in His arms and gently wiping her face. He says, “Daughter this was not your fault. And I shall severely punish the enemy on your behalf. Rise and be made whole.”

 

Suddenly the feelings of self-accusation disappear. She didn’t do anything to cause the rape. It wasn’t her fault. The feelings that no one is ever there for her are gone. Her identity as “damaged goods” is transformed, she is no longer a victim.

———————————————————————————————————————

I could go on and on with different situations. It still amazes me how when Jesus shows up on the scene, everything changes. He truly is our Healer. Again, when the root of the problem is changed, it doesn’t take long for all of the fruit of our lives to be changed.

 

Whenever you cannot get in touch with the Lord, it’s always best to just simply ask the Holy Spirit what the blockage is. Sometimes it’s more unforgiveness sometimes it’s shameor may be unbelief.

 

Whatever it is, He will be faithful to reveal it. Please understand it is not a spiritual luxury for you to be healed. It is God’s express purpose for your life. It is your spiritual responsibility. If you take one step forward, the Lord will run to meet you.

 

Another way to receive healing is through getting in touch with what triggers us or causes us to over react or to act childish. We may act it out in our behaviour or it just might be the feelings and thoughts that we have learned to hide on the inside of us. They are evidence that we need more healing.

 

All we have to do is ask the Lord to show us why we are feeling like a scared child? And He will. All you have to do is ask the Lord to show you why you want to punch your husband every time he touches you in a certain way. He will show you why.

 

I [Amanda] had triggers, not related to sexual abuse but to emotional abuse that my husband and I named “my Vietnam flashbacks “. No, I was never in the army or in Vietnam. It simply reminded both of us that my over reaction was not his fault and was stemming out of past experiences.

 

As we took each one of those experiences to the Lord through forgiveness and receiving His healing, the incidents of anger and rage got less and less. It is very rare now for me to be triggered.

 

But every time I am, I choose not to beat myself with condemnation but to press in to the root of my behaviour. It leads me to more and more healing.

 

My husband and family don’t have to condemn me and tell me that I am a Christian and a minister and judge me for responding in the flesh.

 

They can pray for me and ask the Lord to show me what is really going on and then rejoice with me when I share my next level of healing.

It makes such a difference in your Christian walk to quit blaming other people for your reactions and behaviour and to seek God for the real answers.

 

Credits – Amanda Buys

RESTORATING YOUR SEXUALITY 41 – Ministry cont’d

Moving on……..

How do we access God’s healing?

 As I said earlier, first we have to forgive. That is the doorway to His presence.

Then I like to ask the Lord where He wants to start. When it is in the area of sexual healing, I like to start with, “Lord show us where the first sexual damage or imprinting came in.”

After God shows the specific memory, then it’s time to pour out our complaint. We need to tell the Lord how we it made us feel, what it did to us, the damage it caused. We need to clean out the wounded area.

Sometimes anger or tears are expressed at this point. It is okay to be angry and sin not. It is okay to cry and express grief. However, we don’t measure the success of the ministry by the amount of tears cried. I have seen major healing take place without a tear shed. But we are to weep with those who weep.

For too long, the church has made people put on a smile when inside they have been weeping. Once true healing comes, the joy of the Lord will be automatic. It’s easy to praise God when we have truly been set free.

VERY IMPORTANT! Jesus never said, “Okay, I know you are blind, crippled and oppressed but follow me. What’s the matter with you, why can’t you keep up? No, He healed them and set them free and then said, “Now, follow Me.”

We have gotten it backwards. There is a ministry philosophy that says, “Everything is fixed on the day of salvation, you should need nothing more.” That is true spiritually but that truth must be brought to the soul.

We are saved, yet we must work out our salvation with fear and trembling. Our souls must be sanctified. Remember 2 Corinthians 7:1 tells us that we must participate in the sanctifying process.

2nd Corinthians 7:1 Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.

If Jesus is our Healer and He restores our souls, just when and how is He going to do that? He can’t do it before we have met Him and know Him and if He does it all at the point of salvation, why don’t we see evidence of it.

All around us there are Christians at different levels of glory, different levels of healing and freedom.

Why? Because it is a process and it takes an intimate relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ to allow Him to go where no man has gone before in our lives.

Now it’s time to ask the Lord to reveal Himself and to touch us and speak to us. Many times we will actually see Him in the memory. He may speak to us. He may do something.

Suddenly, the Spirit of Understanding comes, we realize He was there all along. He was wanting to minister to us, we just weren’t in touch with Him. One word, one picture from the Lord can melt years of pain, misunderstanding and torment.

It’s always good to go back and check the memory. Is there any more pain there, any more fear?How do you feel? If everything is clear, go on to the next thing the Lord shows you.

Again you don’t have to rush it, take your time. You may want to have someone help you when you first get started but the Spirit of the Lord can bring healing any time and any place as long as we are open.

We get to look at some examples in our next post……

Credits – Amanda Buys