RESTORATION OF MARRIAGE 16 – The mystery of marriage

The imagination that marriage is a bed of thorns slowly diminished as I came to these deep and freeing revelations. I pray that if you are in the same boat as I was, you will be freed.


Men are commanded to dwell with your wives according to knowledge (I Pet 3:7).

Revelation is therefore needed concerning this great mystery – understanding the differences between man [iysh/zakar] and woman [ishshah/neqebah].

EPH 5:25-29 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, that He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendour, without spot or wrinkle or any such things that she might be holy and faultless. Even so husband should love their wives as being in a sense their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church…

There are two distinct ways in which a husband is expected to love his wife:

  • Husbands must love their wives as Christ loves the Church by sanctifying and cleansing her. This relationship deals with her need as neqebah (female) and must be met by zakar (male).
  • They must also love their wives as themselves by nourishing her and cherishing her. This relationship reveals her need as ishshah (woman) and is provided by iysh (man).

Our Heavenly Husband ministers to our natural life by nourishing and cherishing us. To do this He meets our physical and soulish needs. At the same time, He ministers to our spiritual needs through sanctifying and cleansing us, His Bride, by His Word.

Husbands must also provide the same for their wives – in BOTH areas – SPIRITUAL and NATURAL needs.

A wife is a garden enclosed, a spring shut up and a fountain sealed if she is not gently touched by her husband (S of S 4:12). A husband will reap what he sows in his garden, so do not neglect your personal “garden of Eden”.

The “Holy of Holies” in the mystery of marriage is visited when zakar (male) and neqebah (female) come together. Iysh (man) and ishshah (woman) can only have sex; it takes zakar and neqebah to make love. It should be a natural transition to flow from prayer and the worship of Jesus Christ to the intimacy of the undefiled marriage bed.

Again, the responsibility falls to the husband as the priest of his marriage to blow with the wind of the Spirit upon his garden so that her spices may flow out (S of S 4:16).

Sexual intimacy between zakar and neqebah was ordained by God to teach us about the true intimacy between Christ and the Church. Husbands must learn to dwell with their wives according to knowledge. When she comes as ishshah needing to be nourished and cherished by her natural husband, he should provide for the needs of her flesh and her body through iysh. However, when she comes as neqebah needing to be cleansed and sanctified in her spirit, he must bring her God through the reflective nature of zakar.


Credits – Amanda Buys
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RESTORATION OF MANHOOD 15 – The Distinction Between Male and Female

img.jpgThere is nothing astral about the distinction between make and female. Correct me if I am wrong, but it is very obvious. Nonetheless, lets’s look at it indepth.

Male (Zakar) – Ruler. Steward. Conquering. Confrontational. Champion. Powerful. Strong.

Female (Neqebah) – Help meet. Elegant opposite. With holes. To puncture. To perforate. To pierce. To receive the seed of life.

A true woman of God is easily pierced by God. She will naturally open her heart and her loins to her husband if he carries the presence of God.

EPH 5:22-27 Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as a service to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Saviour of His body. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, that He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendour, without spot or wrinkle or any such things that she might by holy and faultless.

A husband is commanded by God to bring his wife the “sperma” of God. He is responsible to present his wife before God as the glory of his reflection without spot or blemish. He (not the pastor) must give her God!

Many women marry because of a man’s outward appearance or his financial security and find themselves frustrated and sexually unresponsive. They desire to touch the glory of God, but they find only the glory of man. The woman was created to receive her husband’s spiritual impartation.

The Sexual Act
The husband is over his bride imparting through his nature as a life-giving spirit and the wife is under her husband receiving the very life of God. Physical intimacy is no longer the purpose of sex; the purpose of sex is now spiritual intimacy. Spiritual communion is the “Holy of Holies” of the marriage covenant.

Men, never desire to take your wife’s body if you don’t first have her heart. Jesus never forces Himself on His Bride, the Church. Instead He DRAWS her by His love and His life.

Neqebah_ was created by God to be pierced by the glory of God.

GEN 1:27 So God created man in His own image, in the image and likeness of God He created him; male and female He created them.

Zakar means a species marked so as to be recognized, remembered, mentioned.

The male has been marked by God. There is something placed in the male that causes him to stand out and be recognized. God has specially marked the male for leadership.

The Breakdown
The breakdown in God’s divine order begins with the man.

The woman was not created to help the man fulfil the lusts of his flesh. She was created to help him obey God.

When a man no longer seeks to fulfil the will of God in his life, a woman cannot find her purpose in him. As woman was designed to find her purpose by the reflection of God in her husband.

Man is marked with glory. Glory is not beauty. Beauty is just a substitute for glory. Religion is the outward adorning that man uses to cover his lack of true spiritual glory. Fig leaves and aprons have always been used by fallen man to cover his loss of glory by the work of his own hands.

Men must take up their responsibility of being male:

God chose and ordained you for manhood.

You were given the nature to pierce and to penetrate the kingdom of darkness with the light of God’s Kingdom.

You were created to conquer and to rule over God’s creation.

You were born to overthrow principalities and destroy their works.

You were created to be the head of your homes and to rule well, always taking the role of defender with sobriety.

You were created by God to be the priest of your home, to wash your wife with the washing of the water by the Word and to raise your children in the nature and admonition of the Lord.

Enjoy your marriage……

Credits – Amanda Buys
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RESTORATION OF MANHOOD 14 – More on the man’s calling and ministry

African_dating.jpgThere is a constant need for fathers in our society. The lack of them is causing such mayham, you wonder where we are headed to……

GEN 1: 26, 27 God said, Let Us [Father, Son and Holy Spirit] make mankind in Our image, after Our likeness, and let them have complete authority over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, the tame beasts, and over all of the earth, and over everything that creeps upon the earth. So God created man in His own image, in the image and likeness of God He created him; male and female He created them.

Adam was given the ability to take dominion over the earth. He was commanded to subdue it.

This ability to exercise authority over the rest of God’s creation came through Adam’s spirit. All true authority from God flows through the spirit.*

GEN 2: 21-23 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam; and while he slept, He took one of his ribs or a part of his side and closed up the place with flesh. And the rib or part of his side which the Lord God had taken from the man He built up and made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. Then Adam said, This creature is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of a man.

The Hebrew word for man is iysh_ and for woman it is _ishshah.

Adam means _origin of man_ (created in the image and likeness of God).

Iysh means nature of man.

Male DNA Structure – “iysH”
Husband, steward, great, mighty, worthy, champion, powerful and strong.

Gene of warEx 15:3 The Lord is a Man of War… Aggression, confrontation, conquering, ruling. A man should fight to protect those under him without thinking and without the need for a preacher to remind him.

With the natural ability to be a husband and a father, he will naturally be faithful and responsible as our Heavenly Father.

Champion – wants to compete to win. Helps you to identify your God- given abilities, which help to define your gifts and calling. Men must test their strengths and expose their weaknesses.

Steward – A true man is responsible for those placed under him. He must rule his world well and maintain order. He must defend the weak.

Balancing Champion And Steward
Men were not created to be dictators or to be effeminate (displaying female characteristics).

The macho man lives a solitary life – he’s so strong and hard that he cannot give of himself. He’s “too cool” to love his wife or his children. He can be so much of a conqueror that he becomes physically abusive to those whom God has placed under him.

The Order In The Home
I COR 11:3 But I want you to know and realize that Christ is the Head of every man, the head of a woman is her husband, and the Head of Christ is God.

This headship is not only something God has established by ordinance, but it is something He has placed in man by nature.

Credits – Amanda Buys
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RESTORATION OF MANHOOD 13 – The husband’s responsibility

husbands-and-wives-are-hardwired-to-complement-each-other.jpgJust like wives, husbands have responsibilities. It’s a shame that many don’t do their share nor believe that there is something they ought to do in the marriage. Nonetheless, husbands need to do their bit.

1. Love your wife
EPH 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.

Take note: This is a giving love. It is the husband who should take the initiative in giving himself to and for his wife.

2. Receive input
The husband should always make room for his wife to speak her mind freely and be sensitive to what she is thinking or feeling, even when she does not express it in words. Her unspoken feelings are often her deepest, and the ones of which her husband needs to be most aware.

He must also remember that his wife has her own special kind of wisdom, “intuition”.

3.​Make decisions
It is the husband’s responsibility to make the final decision, and if there has been good, open, free and respectful communication, the wife is happy to let her husband bear this responsibility.

4.​Initiate action
These are the practical steps to carry out a decision.

5.​Nourish and cherish
One word should describe the attitude of every husband towards his wife: SPECIAL. Every husband should say to himself: “My wife is special. There is no one else just like her.” Therefore he should relate to her in a way that he relates to no other woman. It should apply sexually, the way he thinks about her, the way he talks about her, the way he treats her, etc.
EPH 5:28, 29 Even so husbands should love their wives as being in a sense their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church.

This scripture includes attention to what might appear small details:
– His wife’s health.
– Her appearance.
– The way she does her hair.
– The perfume she uses.

Everything that concerns her should concern him. She should always have the confidence that to her husband she is the most important person in the world.

Husbands: If you sow into your wife in this way, you will reap an abundant harvest!

6. Give praise
See Proverbs 31, especially verses 28 and 29.

PROV 31:28, 29 Her children rise up and call her blessed; and her husband boasts of and praises her, saying, Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness, but you excel them all.

Some husbands are stingy with their words of praise. False economy! Giving praise to your wife is one of the best investments you can ever make. If she is faithful and committed, there is no way he can ever offer her in money what she is worth.

PROV 31:10 Her worth is far above rubies.

Offer her your heartfelt praise!

A husband’s success is seen in his wife.

QUESTIONS:​Is she secure and fulfilled? Do I feel proud of her?
If your answer is “yes”, then you’re a successful husband. But if there are obvious areas in her personality that are incomplete, if she shows strain or insecurity, you need to check your performance as a husband. Ask the Lord for the grace you need to do better.

If you’d never done any of the above, I dare you to assay. You will smile at the results,only if you don’t give up.

Credits – Amanda Buys

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RESTORATION OF MANHOOD 12 – The principles of covenants


Are we conversant about covenants? Do we understand their efficacy? Let’s delve into that🙂🙂

PS 50: 4, 5 He calls to the heavens above and to the earth, that He may judge His people: Gather together to Me My saints, those who have found grace in My sight, those who have made a covenant with Me by sacrifice.

Covenant is made on the basis of a sacrifice – a sacrifice requires shed blood – a life laid down.

HEB 9:16, 17 For where there is a last will and testament involved, the death of the one who made it must be established, for a will and testament is valid and takes effect only at death, since it has no force or legal power as long as the one who made it is alive.

When you make a covenant you really are signing your own death warrant!

EXAMPLE – God cuts covenant with Abraham.

Gen 15:17 When the sun had gone down and a thick darkness had come on, behold, a smoking oven and a flaming torch passed between those pieces.

Passing through the pieces of sacrifice means: “That death was my death. From now on I die to myself and live for the one with whom I am in covenant.”

When a Christian man and woman get married, they pass together through the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross.

GAL 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life I now live in the body I live by faith in (by adherence to and reliance on and complete trust in) the Son of God, Who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

Each lays down his/her life for the other. That is the basis of Christian marriage.

The world says: “What will I get out of this?”
The Bible says: “What will I give?”

I pray that we take marriage for what it really is😀😀

Credits – Amanda Buys.
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RESTORATION OF MANHOOD 11 – The calling and ministry of marriage


Man is generally a relational being. The three most important permanent relationships available to human beings are:
– The relationship of the believer to God.
– The relationship between spouses.
– The relationship of believers to one another.

Marriage Is Therefore A Covenant

The basis of each of these relationships is a covenant, which is the most solemn, binding form of commitment that the Bible describes. No lasting relationship can be built according to Biblical principles without a covenant. Children who are the fruit of a covenant between a man and his wife are thereby included within the scope of the covenant established before God and their parents.

Covenant Breakers
God is very serious about keeping covenant.

MAL 2:14 Yet you ask, Why does He reject it? Because the Lord was witness to the covenant made at your marriage between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously and to whom you were faithless. Yet she is your companion and the wife of your covenant made by your marriage vows.

God is addressing husbands who are cheating on their wives. God is saying: “It doesn’t matter how frequently you pray or how much time you spend in church. If you are not faithful to your covenant commitment to your wife, I will not listen to your prayers”.

That is why adultery is a much more serious sin than fornication. Fornication does not break a covenant. Adultery is immorality that does break a covenant.

The Mystery Of Covenant
No one can understand covenant in the Biblical sense except by revelation – it’s one of God’s secrets.

PS 25:14 The secret of the sweet, satisfying companionship of the Lord have they who fear, revere and worship Him, and He will show them His covenant and reveal to them its deep, inner meaning.

God only reveals this secret to those who fear Him.

Ephesians 5: 22-31 explains that the marriage relationship between a man and his wife is a type/picture of the relationship between Christ and His Church.

EPH 5:32 This is a great mystery.

We can understand its true nature only if we have passed the appropriate process of initiation. This process takes place when, by the marriage ceremony, a man and a woman enter into covenant with God and with each other. Only when they are willing to make this covenant commitment can they begin to discover the true nature of marriage. Couples not willing to fulfil this condition can experience the legal and physical aspects of marriage, but its true nature remains closed to them – a mystery – a secret.
Credits – Amanda Buys.
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RESTORATION OF MANHOOD 10 – You can succeed


You may have now come face to face with areas of failure in your life. You may have recognized that you have not been the kind of father God is looking for – and that your family desperately needs.

It’s now time for you to make a decision. Turn  your back on your failures and commit yourself to God for the ministry of a father.

1. Take your place as head of your family
This requires a decision and a commitment. “Lord, I recognize that You hold me responsible to be head of my family. By a decision of my will, I now accept my place and the responsibility that goes with it. I commit myself to You for this task. In Jesus name, AMEN.”

The Godly order of headship is:
God the Father -> Christ -> The man (husband) -> The woman (wife)

Your authority as a husband and father depends on you being in submission to Jesus. If you are truly submitted to Him as your Head, all the authority of heaven will flow down through you into your family and you will function effectively as its head. If you are not in subjection to Jesus, you may put forth a great deal of fleshly effort – you may shout and stamp your feet; you may get angry and even violent – but you will still lack one thing: The genuine, God-given authority that alone can make you an effective head to your family.

2. Trust God for the Grace you need
Being a father is a calling of God just as sacred a being an evangelist or a pastor. Trust God for the special grace you would need to be a successful father.

HEB 4:16 Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy for our failures and find grace to help in good time for every need.

When you come on this basis, God offers you two things: Mercy and grace. Neither of these can be earned. They must be received as free gifts of God.

Mercy takes care of the past. It covers all the mistakes and failures that make you feel unqualified. Once you have confessed and repented of all the sin you have committed, they will no longer be held against you.

MICAH 7:18, 19 Who is a God like You, Who forgives iniquity and passes over the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? He retains not His anger forever, because He delights in mercy and loving-kindness. He will again have compassion on us; He will subdue and tread underfoot our iniquities. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.

“Grace” – God’s free, unmerited favour towards the undeserving and the ill deserving. Because of your relationship to God through Jesus Christ, God looks on you with favour. He takes pleasure in you. He wants the best for you. He desires you to succeed in all circumstances – in particular as a father.
II COR 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you.

Grace takes us beyond our own natural abilities. When we have exhausted our own resources, we can look to God for His grace – His supernatural enabling. Grace begins where our own ability ends.
II COR 12:10 When I am weak, then I am strong.

Credits – Amanda Buys
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