Rowenna, a lady of poise, great stature and acumen saw herself as none of all this. Growing up tossing from one foster home to another, she lacked roots, lacked a sense of belonging, and lacked love. She had never felt good enough, no matter how hard those around her loved her.
She’d grown up with one statement drummed into her entire being, ‘you will never amount to any thing.’ She had carried it with her, as though it were her name tag.
Struggling through school, she wanted the whole world to know that the little nobody would make something of herself. But all that was on the surface, deep within, she felt empty. As she tossed herself to sleep, those words echoed deeply within her being.
Very soon her dress code changed from ‘Sister Mary Clarence’ , to ‘prostitute next door’. She could not have enough of the attention, even though within she knew that it was unreal. She just had to have it.
Thanks to her good brains, she made it to the University and became a Cum Laude student. But that was not without a trail of men having had a go at her, and the sense of emptiness escalating.
Nonetheless, she believed that no one would love her without a benefit at the back of their mind. She had sent all the genuine suitors packing, and all the would-be friends to their holes.
She was a girl of many sorrows.
Now she sat looking at the skies wondering what real love was, she had never tasted such. Not that no one was ready to give it, but she had relegated herself into the class of unworthy. A tag that some thought they would tear off with time but failed.
Despite all her achievements in the business world, and all the positive changes she had made, she had failed to rearrange her life, to detach the past from the future. She had failed to sink the bridge that connected her to the words that caused emptiness and futility in her life.