GOD’s Dream for MARRIAGE 2

CONSEQUENCES of Pre-Marital Intimacy.
If there was any kind of sexual behaviour BEFORE marriage, there will be MAJOR consequences in intimacy AFTER marriage.

🌹Sometimes within the first year of marriage, WIFE’s sexuality will WANE and HUBBY won’t understand and know WHY?

🌹Wife will LOSE her desire for intimacy over time … waiting for her husband to wonderfully and EMOTIONALLY bond, and prove that he LOVES her for who she is on the INSIDE. If this is the case, Hubby will HAVE to non-sexually woo Wife, even though they are married.

If he DOESN’T do this, WIFE will go through a DOWNWARD SPIRAL of withdrawing from INTIMACY … she will WITHDRAW, but then BOUNCE back for a time, as she is RELATIONSHIP oriented.

However, the WITHDRAWAL times will get longer as time goes by, and she will BOUNCE back less frequently … this will cause such CONFUSION and FRUSTRATION in the marriage.

HUBBY must WOO her NON-sexually by being AFFECTIONATE (hugs, cuddles) WITHOUT any sexual agendas or touches … Wife will have to know she is LOVED for WHO she IS.

Men, REALIZE that:
❤️Your wife does not need sex ALL THE TIME,
❤️She needs to be VALUED all the time.
❤️Your wife’s love-making starts in the MORNING when you get out of bed and what you SAY to her at the breakfast table.

HUSBAND, you are 90% SEXUALLY orientated, and only 10% EMOTIONALLY orientated.
While your wife is 90% EMOTIONALLY orientated, and only 10% SEXUALLY orientated.

A man was never meant to carry the EMOTIONAL load of a woman without the SEXUAL pay-offs … and a woman was never meant to carry the SEXUAL load of a man without the EMOTIONAL pay-offs.

Often, men are so REJECTED, they feel their SEXUALITY is the only way they can express their manhood, and the woman in their life feels USED, and the relationship STRUGGLES. Or, all MEN want to do is CONQUER, without BONDING and EMOTIONAL attachment — and the WOMAN becomes worth no more than her SEXUALITY.

If a husband would take 90 days and LEARN how to LOVE his wife NON-sexually, he would fulfill this area of LOVE (EMOTIONAL BONDING) that should have been laid in the building up stages of COURTSHIP. GOD created our computers to lead up to the final marriage COMMITMENT according to these STEPS. These steps of emotionally bonding CANNOT be ignored or skipped.

A woman’s COMPUTER — if she has been HONOURED, respected, and VALUED — automatically UNLOCKS, and at the marriage ceremony, she knows she is VALUED. All the PRELIMINARY work has been done … and in MARRIAGE, ongoing EMOTIONAL and SEXUAL bonding will build for a LIFETIME.
MEN, if you put the TIME in, you will reap a LIFETIME of life-giving and JOYFUL INTIMACY with your WIFE.

ADDICTIVE relationships.
When we move from the gift of ATTRACTION, and jump into SEXUALITY, we have set ourselves up for DEPENDENCY and CODEPENDENCY with no understanding at all. No foundation blocks were laid for a GODLY long term relationship.

AGAIN, the steps CANNOT be ignored or SKIPPED, or you will have to GO BACK and complete them. Please note that addictive relationships marry out of NEED, while healthy relationships marry out of CHOICE.

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GOD’s Dream for MARRIAGE.

Why would a GOD who created our very bodies to reflect our sexuality leave this part BROKEN and in DISREPAIR?

He WOULDN’T.

The same POWER of GOD that can give you NEW BIRTH through the spirit, heal your body, and RESTORE your soul can minister to your SEXUALITY. Your FAITH just needs to be stirred and you need to understand your sexuality from GOD’s Perspective.

GOD created our brains so that the sexual release would be an IMPORTANT part of the BONDING process with our spouse. GOD created us with SEX in mind and He intended it to be for MARRIAGE ONLY … intimacy was designed for COVENANT.

Ephesians 5:31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his  wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

The GREEK word for UNITE is “to be GLUED together.”

Gender Confusion
Genesis 17:11 And you shall circumcise the flesh of your FORESKIN. And it shall be a TOKEN of the covenant between Me and you.

Foreskin — GOD has an amazing sense of humor. Deliberate gender confusion is a prime example. It has to make you laugh. Just consider the following:
The Hebrew word for foreskin is orlah. It is used dozens of times in descriptions of circumcision. There could hardly be a more explicitly male noun. In fact, it is sometimes used euphemistically for the penis. But, the Hebrew noun is feminine.

Either someone had no idea what makes a person male or this is an absolutely exquisite gender joke. Fortunately for men, the Hebrew word for testicle is actually a male noun.

Ah, but that’s not all. The Hebrew word rechem means womb. It’s pretty hard to not associate this with female, but this Hebrew noun is masculine. So are the nouns for breast and nipple. Maybe GOD just got confused and mixed up His genders. What do you think? Pretty funny, huh?

Aside from the humor of these upside-down gender associations, there’s a good lesson here. The sexual distinctions we put so much emphasis on in our culture might not be as important as we think. GOD’s View might suggest our preoccupation with gender differences needs a little levity.

Maybe Paul’s exhortation to care for each other as we care for our own bodies is a bigger play on words than we originally thought. After all, from a Hebrew perspective, the distinctively sexual components of males and females seem to carry a little reminder of the opposite gender, don’t they? If you and I recognize that what makes us sexual beings is described in the gender of the opposite sex, it just might help us appreciate the union of one flesh even more.

Perhaps the Genesis 2:24 standard is quite a bit more eloquent than we imagined.

There is one other characteristic of Hebrew that helps us redefine the proper place of sexuality. Once again, this additional characteristic employs a bit of humor. Hebrew is particularly metaphorical and euphemistic when it comes to describing sexual organs. It uses phrases like “covering the feet,” “socket,” “heel” and “seed” rather than our explicit descriptions.
But just the opposite is true when Hebrew speaks about sexual behavior. Then the language drops the euphemisms and provides straight talk. Apparently, GOD is far less interested in how you are built than what you do with how you are built.

All of this imagery offers an insight into the Garden story. We were made for each other, right down to the nouns. Furthermore, sexuality seems to originate in play. It’s the physical version of linguistic humor. It brings a smile and a laugh. But it is also subject to GOD’s Parameters. There are fences to protect those who can laugh about it.

Credits – Amanda Buys

Steps from friendship to MARRIAGE

Moving on……..

  1. Relationship
    There are also FOUR progressive stages of RELATIONSHIP.
    A) ALONE Time
    When we are in a CLOSE friendship there needs to be a time of ME-to-ME relationship. It is important to spend some time alone. What issues do I have that I need to work on alone that would create havoc, if we pursued a more intimate friendship?

B) GROUP Time
Nobody is really pairing at this point in time, we are close friends. I am really interested in this person, but let’s get out and do some group activities, and see how the friend reacts and how I react in the group. For EXAMPLE, social skills, jealousy, and so forth.

C) Group with a PRIMARY
This is where we pair within the group. This is a safe way to COURT; it has no pressure and yet we are starting the pairing process.

D) Exclusive ONE-to-ONE RELATIONSHIP
We officially COURT and get to know each other more CLOSELY. To understand what LOVE is, one must ask…….. Do I want to INVEST myself in this person?
At this stage, the WOMAN is starting to feel SAFE, and there is EMOTIONAL bonding.

4. LOVE
The couple needs to DEFINE LOVE. Love is giving EVERYTHING, expecting NOTHING in return, and being SATISFIED that there is a JOY in GIVING rather than receiving UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. BOTH give 100% of each other. This will lead to a WONDERFUL loving and CARING relationship for a LONG LIFE together.

Love means:
NO EXPECTATIONS,
✅Being flexible;  CARING enough to not OVERRIDE and control each other,
✅Not expecting anything in RETURN,
✅Overall GIVING, like the example of our MESSIAH.
Jesus gave, even though He knew we would REJECT HIM. What He gave was FREELY given with NO CONDITIONS.

When two people come TOGETHER and they have built the building blocks of relationship and understand what TRUE LOVE really is, they will be founded on THE ROCK for a future life together.

The CLEAREST definition of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is in 1st Corinthians 13.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
4 Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, 5 never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong.
6 It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out.
7 If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.
8 All the special gifts and powers from God will someday come to an end, but love goes on forever.

After understanding what LOVE is, the couple will then make a DECISION if they will continue with their relationship and go towards MARRIAGE.

If both AGREE then the NEXT step is … More intimate courtship.
This is the time to begin to build your EMOTIONAL and SPIRITUAL intimacy while still saving your physical intimacy for AFTER Covenant. It’s a time to get to KNOW each other and to get to KNOW each other’s family and friends at a more INTIMATE level.

If you make the decision NOT to date because of its dangers, and to instead COURT, it will be one of the BEST decisions that you will ever make  You will PROTECT yourself and save yourself physically, emotionally, sexually, and spiritually for your COVENANT mate. So get a GOOD SUPPORT SYSTEM of friends and people who will PRAY for you and ENCOURAGE you in your decision.

Also, know that because this is GOD’s Way and not the world’s way, He will SUPPORT you with His Grace and Love. If you get tempted, call upon the POWER of His Holy Spirit and He WILL answer you.

5. ENGAGEMENT
From the time of the proposal, up to the date of the wedding, is the time for the couple to develop the relationship more DEEPLY, and to discuss important relationship guidelines like:
❇️How are we going to handle ANGER?
❇️Our MONEY?
❇️Raising CHILDREN?

During engagement, communication is VERY OPEN. INTENSE emotional bonding develops during this stage, where the man is to learn to bond EMOTIONALLY with the young lady and be NON-SEXUAL. This is where she finds her VALUE in how HE values her.

The man is to show how much he thinks of her, to value her in a NON-SEXUAL way, so that when they are INTIMATE in marriage, she is READY and will be COMFORTABLE in making love, because she will know it is not about how she LOOKS … its about who she IS.

The ENGAGEMENT period should be no longer than a year is an ideal period.

Credits – Amanda Buys

STEPS of friendship to MARRIAGE.

“With dating being a root of several divorces, how do I find my future mate,” you may wonder. Here is how…….

1. Gift of ATTRACTION
This is GOD‘s GIFT, for a PURPOSE. It is HIS Way of DRAWING human beings together for a PAIRING PROCESS.

It is to develop FRIENDSHIP, where they must make a CHOICE to pursue a LONG TERM relationship.
The ENEMY has MESSED with this GIFT. We are told …’ if it feels GOOD, just do it. Giving into these LIES and our LUST will cause such DAMAGE.
The couple will start feeling insecure, and wonder what could possibly be wrong! One feels they want the power over the other person and this goes back and forth, and the couple can’t figure out what is wrong. Why isn’t this working? Why am I so intensely possessive over the other person?

If there is intimacy before marriage, and the couple goes from GIFT of ATTRACTION to sexuality, they have BYPASSED every step in their subconscious COMPUTER that is needed to be laid down for a LIFE-GIVING long term relationship. And they will HAVE to go BACK and follow GOD’s way.

2. Friendship
We develop Godly friendships in FOUR progressive stages. We suggest you make a list of all your friends and place them in the category of where they should be.
A) Acquaintance
You learn their names and you recognize them  give them respect and dignity and move on. You are not looking towards a long-term relationship. Youre alert to each new person around you, and have a CHEERFUL countenance and smile. You ask appropriate questions, which reflect interest and acceptance, and you’re a good LISTENER.

B) Casual
You run across each other and from there you get enough information about them to find out if they need to stay in the casual group, or move to the close friends group. You discover their strong points, and learn about their hopes and desires for their lives.
At this point, you develop and ask appropriate specific questions. You show interest and concern, and let them share problems with you. Be honest about yourself without digging up the past. Reflect interest and trustworthiness in being their friend.

C) Close
You could have quite a number of close friends. You see potential for achievement in their lives, and discover and discuss the specific goals they have. You serve an interest in the development of their goals. You’re aware of conflicts which may hinder the development of these goals, but are creative and encourage them to develop and achieve.

D) Intimate
This is where you should not have more than FIVE intimate friends at any one given time. These are friends, that if you tell something to them, it does not come back and bite you in future. Before sharing our intimate secrets and pain you need to know which of your friends are true friends and support systems. We talk too much to too many people, too many times and then we feel betrayed and unworthy and start hating ourselves for not having the right judgment in picking friends.
As intimate friends, you are sensitive to traits and attitudes in each other, that need improvement  and you are committed to:
– Give comfort through trials and sorrows.
– Assume a personal concern for their reputation.
– Faithfulness, loyalty, and availability.

There is more to this in the next post……..

Credits- Amanda Buys

The ‘Dating Game’ vs. COVENANT.

As strange as it may sound, dating is part of the REASON why our DIVORCE rate is so high … how does dating help us practice for divorce?

Because we make a COMMITMENT or promises that are a form of COVENANT to another person … and then we BREAK them.

We have not learned how to WORK through problems and issues. Instead, we have learned to MOVE ON when there are problems. Our souls continue to seek after the EXCITEMENT of a new relationship and we may have problems with finding SATISFACTION in the attention of just ONE person.

Dating and sexual DESIRES.
Sexual desires can be satisfied WITHOUT intercourse, such as heavy-petting. This will always lead to WRONG sexual imprinting. Many teenagers use drugs and alcohol, which leads to a break down in self-control and creates an inability to say, “NO to sexual behaviour. Their sexuality is then imprinted with the feelings of alcohol and/or drugs. The consequence will be that when married, their sexuality will need to go with alcohol and/or drugs, in order to be satisfied.

Dating and STEALING.
Dating is DANGEROUS because it leads to robbery. GOD HATES stealing. If we take another person’s virginity, we have just ROBBED their future husband or wife. If we take a part of another person’s HEART and BREAK it, we have just ROBBED their future husband or wife. If we DAMAGE a person’s ability to TRUST, we have just ROBBED their future husband or wife and them. It can also ROB the purity and the SPECIALNESS of your wedding day and wedding night. Until we are ready to make a life time, being in love is just a LIE.

Just as GOD’s love for us has caused Him to make an EVERLASTING COVENANT with us, TRUE LOVE must be MATURE enough to enter into COVENANT.

BUT how can I have FUN if I dont DATE?
You can have fun by doing things in the SAFETY of a group.

BUT how will I ever find the RIGHT person if I don’t DATE?
You don’t have to. You can leave that job up to your earthly father … and ABBA FATHER. He will SPEAK to your heart and let you know, “This is the one I have CHOSEN for you. By getting the witness of your PARENTS, pastors, and other spiritual LEADERS, you protect yourself from making a MISTAKE that will affect the REST of your life.

There are a lot of WRONG reasons to get MARRIED … the ONLY right reason is because GOD has said, “This is the time and this is the one.

Wow”, you may say, but most of your questions will answered in the next few posts.🙂

Credits – Amanda Buys

Adultery, masturbation and sexual PERVERSION 5

Pornography: The New Narcotic By John Piper
Neurological research has revealed that the effect of internet pornography on the human brain is just as potent — if not more so — than addictive chemical substances such as cocaine or heroin.

To make matters worse, there are 1.9 million cocaine users, and 2 million heroin users, in the United States compared to 40 million regular users of online pornography. Here’s why the addictive power of pornography can be worse:

❇️Cocaine is considered a stimulant that increases dopamine levels in the brain. Dopamine is the primary neurotransmitter that most addictive substances release, as it causes a “high” and a subsequent craving for a repetition of the high, rather than a subsequent feeling of satisfaction by way of endorphins.

❇️Heroin, on the other hand, is an opiate, which has a relaxing effect. Both drugs trigger chemical tolerance, which requires higher quantities of the drug to be used each time to achieve the same intensity of effect.

❇️Pornography, by both being arousing (the “high” effect via dopamine) and causing an orgasm (the “release” effect via opiates), is a type of polydrug that triggers both types of addictive brain chemicals in one punch, enhancing its addictive propensity.

But, Bennett says, “internet pornography does more than just spike the level of dopamine in the brain for a pleasure sensation. It literally changes the physical matter within the brain so that new neurological pathways require pornographic material in order to trigger the desired reward sensation.”

Think of the brain as a forest where trails are worn down by hikers who walk along the same path over and over again, day after day. The exposure to pornographic images creates similar neural pathways that, over time, become more and more “well-paved” as they are repeatedly traveled with each exposure to pornography. Those neurological pathways eventually become the trail in the brain’s forest by which sexual interactions are routed.

Thus, a pornography user has “unknowingly created a neurological circuit” that makes his or her default perspective toward sexual matters ruled by the norms and expectations of pornography.

Not only do these addictive pathways cause us to filter all sexual stimulation through the pornographic filter; they awaken craving for “more novel pornographic content like more taboo sexual acts, child pornography, or sadomasochistic pornography.” And it gets worse:

Another aspect of pornography addiction that surpasses the addictive and harmful characteristics of chemical substance abuse is its permanence. While substances can be metabolized out of the body, pornographic images cannot be metabolized out of the brain because pornographic images are stored in the brain’s memory.

“In sum,” Bennett writes, “brain research confirms the critical fact that pornography is a drug delivery system that has a distinct and powerful effect upon the human brain and nervous system.”

None of this takes GOD by surprise. He designed the interplay between the brain and the soul. Discoveries of physical dimensions to spiritual reality do not nullify spiritual reality.

When Jesus said, “I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28), He saw with crystal clarity — the way a designer sees his invention — that the physical eye had profound effects on the spiritual “heart.”

And when the Old Testament wise man said in Proverbs 23:7, literally, “As he thinks in his soul, so is he,” he saw with similar clarity that soul acts create being. Thinking in the soul corresponds to “is”. And this “is” includes the body.

In other words, it goes both ways. Physical reality affects the heart. And the heart affects physical reality (the brain). Therefore, this horrific news from brain research about the enslaving power of pornography is not the last word. GOD has the last word. The Holy Spirit has the greatest power. We are not mere victims of our eyes and our brains, as evidenced from both Scripture and experience.

We are blessed to have a Father that knew the craftiness of the enemy before He created us, Hallelujah

Credits – Amanda Buys

Adultery, ponography and sexual PERVERSION 4

Impaired Judgment
According to neuropsychologist Dr. Tim Jennings, “When you have premarital sex, your reward circuitry is bonded to them now, and it will be much deeper and hurtful.”

“Oftentimes, in breakups of people who’ve been sexually active, they can’t tolerate the sense of emptiness, so they rush into another relationship. The neuro circuits did not have time to reset, and so they’re impaired in their ability to bond with the next person, and they may become sexually active with them. This is just a repetitive cycle, and there are real impairments in bonding going on.”

Becoming Bonded With Porn
These same neurochemicals are present when viewing pornography. A man will become bonded with whatever he is engaged in during the moment these chemicals are released. When your relationship is being carried on with an image, you become bonded to whatever you’re viewing.

Dr. Doug Weiss, a marriage counselor, advises men to have eye contact with their wives during sex because they become bonded with that person. By doing this, he explains that, over time, individuals will decrease the “neural pathway to pornography and sexually inappropriate thoughts and beliefs and glue to healthy sexuality to [their] wife. When your brain thinks sex, it thinks, ‘Where’s my wife?’ And that is a great way to fight this battle.”

Discovering how our minds were designed to operate by a magnificent Creator reveals truth in the way we are to live.

Cycle of Sexual Sin
For someone viewing porn, one of the functions of oxytocin is to separate the experience and the excitement from the intensity of the shame. According to neuropsychologist Dr. Jes Montgomery, “Usually by the time they turn the computer off, they are already sinking into a sense of failure and shame, and the function of oxytocin is to tell the brain, ‘Wait a minute. You don’t want to remember that. You want to hold on to this excitement and this amazing magic that you just experienced.’”

Knowing how these neurochemicals interact and change the brain help us understand why sex is meant to be kept within the boundaries of marriage.

You see the overtones here about GOD’s Design for His Pure Temple. This is another reason why the devil attacks our sexuality so much — because in attacking human sexuality, it actually interferes with human bonding.

So, for those practicing sex outside of marriage, they are creating a bond with their partner, thus inhibiting their discernment of whether they should remain in that relationship. GOD wired and designed our brains for a specific purpose: to bond ourselves with the person we marry.

It’s never too late to re-wire yourself if you know you’ve erred. It’s the best gift you’ll give to your spouse and family. We can onl6 re-wire ourselves by understanding who we are in Christ; through His Word.

Credits – Amanda Buys